The Straighten Up by Angela Rieck

At my age dancing sort of looks like me walking around, flailing my arms, and swaying my hips just a little, so as not to hurt my back. I never was a good dancer and my skills have not improved with age.

So, I welcome the songs that tell me what to do. The easiest, of course, is the Macarena. But there are some square dances, line dances, and others that I can follow. Age has made simple movements more challenging (like standing up from a sitting position), and I am more reluctant to dance. I notice that other people my age also seem less inclined to dance.

The other day, I was watching a restaurant full of people of my age. We all were very slowly rising from our seats, straightening up our back took more than a few minutes. And I thought, well, let’s have fun. And just because we are seniors, doesn’t mean we can’t or shouldn’t dance. So I have created a dance just for us, the over 65 population. To accomplish this, I am stealing the melody and rhythm from The Tighten Up.

The Tighten Up was a 1968 song by Archie Bell & the Drells that reached Number 1 on charts. Believe it or not, it has been ranked 265 on Rolling Stone magazine’s list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time. It is considered one of the earliest funk hits in music history. Apparently the song is an inspiration for taking control of our lives and facing challenges head on. If you haven’t heard the song, it is basically Archie Bell belting out instructions and encouragement while the band goes back and forth between a couple of chords.

So, it is a perfect song for our generation to dance to…with lyrics modified just for us.

The song is called, The Straighten Up. And since the song is basically two chords, Ukulele bands can provide the music.

It begins with our singer/song leader introducing him or herself and the song. The song leader calls on the instruments to “straighten up.” (Dancer instructions are in italics.)

Lyrics to The Straighten Up

(All dancers are seated until the singer calls them to stand up.)

Okay ukuleles, are you ready?
Are you ready to do the Straighten Up?
I said, are you ready?
Dancers are you ready?
I said, are you ready?
Oh yeah, come on now
Let’s make it mellow
Now everybody, let’s get up.
Let’s get rockin’

(All dancers rise and attempt to slowly straighten out their backs.

Do the straighten up
Let’s do the straighten up now
Everybody let’s stand, come on now, sl-o-o-w-w-l-y straighten up
Everybody can do it
So get to it
You can do it!!!

Now ladies in the front
Gentlemen in the back
(While struggling to straighten up, ladies move to the front, men move to the back)
Is everyone in position?
Ah, yes, come on’ now.
Now, ladies, are you ready?
I said, are you ready?
Ladies, loosen those arms, bring up your hands
Under the chin
Now, rub those hands under that chin
Find those unwanted hairs
Side to side, back and forth
Oh yeah, we’re doing the straighten up

(Everyone continues to slowly straighten their back while trying to stand up.)

Okay men, your turn,
Time for our morning coughs
Some growling is good
No, spittin’ there guys
Just clearing your throat
Make some noise, men!
Let’s hear some harrumphs
Come on guys,
Let’s hear it
You can do it,
Ladies and Gentlemen, get to it.

Now everybody, let’s make some more noise
Let’s hear those groans and moans
While everybody is doing the straighten up
Oh yeah, you can do it
Everybody let’s do it

Come on and do the straighten up
Let’s do the straighten up
Are you still straightening?
Oh yeah. You can do it
Now put your hands on those hips
While you are straightening up.
And move those hips
Side to side
Oh yeah, you can do it
Everybody can do it.

(Dancers, wiggle your hips from side to side, while you still trying to straighten up.)

Straighten it up, oh, yeah
Sock it to me now, straighten it up
Come on and let’s finish this, whoo hoo
We gonna make it mellow for you
First, I want see those jazz hands
Jazz hands up now
Oh, yeah
You can do it, let’s hear those moans,
How ’bout you give me some groans too
Let’s get to it

(Dancers, put up your hands high and wiggle them, while you still trying to straighten up; next, dancers will very slowly “spin” in a circle one quarter turn at a time. Walk those four steps, very slowly, so there are no falls. After each quarter turn wait for instructions from singer)

Yeah, now everybody we’re going to do a spin
Oh, yeah
Are you ready?
I said, are you ready?
We gonna do it slow
We gonna count slow to 16
By fours
We gonna make it mellow now
Nice and slow, oh yeah
Count with me
Quarter turn, 1, 2, 3, 4
You got it,
Oh yeah,
Show me those jazz hands
Oh yeah, you got it
Now let’s do another quarter turn 1, 2, 3, 4
Now look here, you are halfway there
Now, another turn
Feel the burn.
Count with me 1, 2, 3, 4
Oh yeah, almost there

Oh, straighten up,
Yeah, baby straighten up
You almost straight?
Let’s finish that spin.
Keep those jazz hands swingin’
Now, turn and count with me, 1, 2, 3, 4
You made it, nothing more

Now gasp for air
Cuz you there
You did it
You did the Straighten up
Oh yeah, the Straighten up.

Now take a bow

Uh oh, we back to the straighten up now.

(Note to dancers, if you don’t want to do the straighten up again, do a sun salutation instead of a bow.)

So, what do you think, fellow seniors citizens? Are we going to see some Straighten Up videos? Are you going to create your own dance? Or are we going to stay seated and wonder how we got here.

To everyone, enjoy your holidays; make it fun.

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.