A friend and I were catching up. She is very social and gets a lot of visitors in Key West. But she was dreading her upcoming visit with her nephew.

“He’s very bigoted,” she explained. “And he is a tenured teacher in an urban neighborhood. He claims that he learned his racism through his job.”

“He is actually a good person,” she continued. “He’s kind to his parents, tithes, and does a lot of volunteer work for his church.”

I was instantly appalled (and judgmental), that this person teaches people he hates.

We know that racism is not limited to just black and white. I attended my niece’s Bat Mitzvah, where an ultra-conservative rabbi preached that reluctantly he concluded that we need to kill people who violently (and that definition was broad) oppose Israel’s right to exist. My appalled brother-in-law never attended that Synagogue again. On another occasion, I remember listening to my cleric-uncle preach a sermon supporting racism. My father, visibly shaken, mumbled that there is a special place in Hell for people who preach hate from the pulpit.

This raises the question, can someone who is racist, an abuser, or misogynist be a good person?

This question has haunted me for some time.

There is another side to this coin as well. Tumblr has a site Racists Getting Fired whose goal is to find people who post racist comments on the Internet and notify their employers. Remember, Amy Cooper? She called the police on a Black man (who was a bird watcher in Central Park) indicating that an African-American was dangerously threatening her (when he merely asked her to leash her dog). He filmed the incident, and his post went viral. She lost her job, temporary custody of her dog, and was charged with attempting to file a false police report (it was later dropped).

Do these tactics assist in the battle for social injustice, or do they simply represent a new kind of abuse and create further division?

About 20 years ago, I decided that I would no longer call a racist, abuser, or misogynist a “good” person. Instead, I can describe his/her good characteristics and also clarify that s/he is biased.

But is this merely judgmental virtue signaling? (Namely, I am better than you because I am against racism.)

What do religious leaders and ethicists believe? Can racists, abusers, or misogynists also be “good” people?

Christians believe in “hating the sin” but “loving the sinner.” The Bible clearly states that only God can judge; and since are forgiven, we must forgive others. But what if the sin hurts so many people? Racism brings everyone down, both its targets and people share the same skin color as the racist.

Rabbis believe that the Torah compels us to make society a better place, so we must engage racists to help them understand that this point of view is not God’s teaching.

Ethicists are more nuanced. Most give advice on how to confront a person with racist views (use “I” words not “You” words). Others ask if it is “right” that we decide that our views are correct and those against us are not.

Should we remain friends with racists, misogynists, or abusers. Many Ethicists, following Aristotle, believe that friendship must err on the side of tolerance. But Aristotle also believed a friend’s character matters to a friendship. So if you believe that this is too great a character flaw, you can decide that the vices outweigh the good.

All agree that you it is very unlikely that calling out racism will change someone’s views – only they can. By just saying to someone, for example, “Your views are racist and you’re wrong”, you may have done the “right thing” in your mind – but have you changed anything?

Research on implicit bias suggests that people are much more complicated that just dividing us into racists and non-racists. All of us can be very quick to generalize about anyone who we perceive to be “the other.” This bias can be based on many characteristics: ethnicity, gender, race, age, religion, nationality, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, etc.

In fact, calling out others as racists, is little more than judgmental virtue signaling. (I am good, and you are “bad.”)

So, after all this, I still cannot find an answer. I guess that all that I can do is live with my choices, recognizing that I do not get to hold the “virtue wand.”

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

Critical Race Theory (CRT) has inadvertently become a new conservative/liberal dividing line. An election was decided in large part by it and state legislatures are busy trying to prevent it.

But does anyone really know what it is? Academics who specialize in this topic do…but do the rest of us?

To satisfy my curiosity, I did some research over the Christmas break. It became clear that this is an academic framework to examine and explain race issues in America. I only read two academic articles, both were technical and I quickly realized that the research that I didn’t review is voluminous. As is true with most academic hypotheses, while it is widely accepted, there is also criticism from both liberal and conservative academicians.

So, how did such a technical academic topic come into the public consciousness? An academician described it on a conservative channel, and it took off based on a fear that this will be used to teach that White Americans and American institutions are racists.

People act as if shaping messages in public and private school is wrong, scary, inappropriate, etc.

But the truth is that schools have been and will continue to shape messages about race, gender, sex, and identity. Religious schools are expected to indoctrinate their students on the rules and tenets of their religion.

When I was in grade school (approximately a million years ago), the information that I learned about Black Americans was shaped by the epic film and novel, Gone with the Wind. I learned that “good” Black Americans stayed on as slaves, grateful for any praise or trinkets that they might receive. Black American men were intent on stealing and raping White women. And other African American people, like the Prissy character, were fools and liars, desperately needing a good slap. Our substantial local Black history was barely mentioned.

I would have appreciated getting a different message, as it took years to uncover the insidiousness of this programming.

Curriculums have changed since I went to school, and they will continue to change to reflect new knowledge and changes in the culture.

So, before we embrace or vilify this theory, I think that it makes sense to learn what it actually is.

To help us, on January 18th, St Michaels Community Conversations and the American Association of University Women (AAUW) Easton are hosting a conversation about Critical Race Theory: What It Is and What It Isn’t with Dr. Bernard Demczuk. An Easton resident, Dr. Demczuk is currently an African American Cultural Historian and Professor at the University of the District of Columbia.  He is also the author of Mame’s Spirit, An Afro Futurist Love Story Remixed with Righteousness and West African Spirituality.

To further our understanding, they will also be hosting a panel discussion on CRT on February 15th. To receive a ZOOM link for January 18th, email aauweastonmd@gmail.com.

I hope that believers and skeptics alike will join me for this timely conversation. There is nothing more powerful than knowledge.

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

 

I am going to try to worry less.  It is something that I have been working on for a long time, but it is 2am and I am worrying about this column.

I get my worrying honestly; my father was an incessant worrier.  And nothing good ever came from it. Any psychologist can tell you that worrying can create neuroses and fear in children; and parenting from fear and worry usually results in criticism. Worrying is also destructive on relationships and health. Most psychologists and psychiatrists believe that worrying causes anxiety.

And our species is not alone; many animal species worry. Anyone who has dogs knows about separation anxiety and panic from loud noises. My dogs become clingy and anxious when they see my suitcase. Prey animals exhibit anxious behaviors when they are in a vulnerable location. (There is a theory called the Landscape of Fear that suggests that this “worrying” keeps the environment in check.)

A new theory, the Contrast Avoidance Model (2011) proposes that worrying is a coping mechanism for anxiety. Anxious people tend to be hypersensitive to criticism, mistakes, shaming, and embarrassment. The Contrast Avoidance Model proposes that worrying increases the general level of anxiety, which reduces the impact of these negative experiences.

Sort of chicken and egg to me…does worrying cause anxiety or does anxiety cause worrying?

Over the years I have accumulated several Cognitive Behavioral techniques to reduce worrying.  Here are some that you can try if you are a fellow sufferer:

• Living in the moment. We can’t change the past, we can’t predict the future, all we have is right now…and right now is pretty good.
• When you are worrying use a rubber band (to boink your wrist) or scream out loud, “Stop Worrying” (obviously only a good solution at home).
• Thinking about three items that are good in your life. (For example, my bed is comfortable, I have a wonderful family and friends, and I love my dogs.)
• The 3 3 3 anxiety/worrying rule. Name three things you see (not good in the dark); name three things you hear; move three parts of your body.

The goal of these techniques is to divert worrying.

But why do we worry in the first place?

The root cause of anxiety/worry is an overactive amygdala (in the brain). The amygdala sends a nerve impulse to the hypothalamus which activates the pituitary gland. The pituitary gland then signals the adrenal gland to secrete adrenaline, noradrenaline, and cortisol—the hormones that trigger fear.

About 20% of the population are born with overly sensitive amygdalae. And many, but not all, of these people find it difficult to control worrying and experience restlessness, fatigue, difficulty in concentrating, irritability, muscle tension, decision making, and sleep disturbance. Research has also shown that the size of the amygdala is larger in anxious people.

A significant problem with an overactive amygdala is that it interferes with sleep. Recent sleep research shows that in poor sleepers, the amygdala awakens them early in the sleep cycle which limits the amount of deep sleep. It is believed that this deep sleep “clears out the brain.” Remember the term, “sleep on it?” Sleep researchers believe that this deep sleep may “clear out” the amygdala, reducing the fear associated with a behavior/thought/decision.

It is too early to know if this is speculation or fact, but for those of us who are poor sleepers it makes sense.

So what to do? My long term goal is to reduce the size of my amygdala (which actually increases with worry and anxiety). Some vitamins and amino acids (tryptophan) may work. Keeping busy can also help. But most psychologists and medical doctors believe calming strategies, such as meditation, relaxation, deep breathing, and focusing on the moment (living in the now) are most effective, if practiced regularly.

So I am determined to go back to these techniques…even though I find them tedious (obviously, or I wouldn’t be in this situation).

Hopefully, one day I will be able to follow the sage advice of the immortal Alfred E. Neuman from Mad Magazine. “What me worry?”

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

I am often confused by gender fluidity and how it relates to sexual orientation (it doesn’t). Although I try, I inadvertently use the wrong pronoun to people who are not cisgender. (For those who have not yet heard the term, cisgender refers to people whose gender identity matches their sex organs, chromosomes, and hormones.)

It is easy to understand why I am confused.  The science and psychology are evolving as this marginalized group is no longer being ignored.  One article identified 20 terms for gender fluidity.

There are different types of gender fluidity. Gender, like sexuality, operates along spectrum and not the binary forms of male and female that we grew up believing.

There are several different types of gender dysphoria. Transgenders feel that their gender is different from their sex organs. Transgender people may identify as male or female, nonbinary, or simply ‘trans’. Trans people may or may not choose hormonal or surgical interventions to make their bodies reflect their gender identity.

Intersex individuals are equally diverse. Some individuals have external or internal sex organs that fall outside of typical binary categories. Others are born with chromosomal or hormonal differences. Some male babies are born with two or three X chromosomes, just as some female babies are born with a Y chromosome. Some individuals do not realize that they are intersex until they reach puberty. Intersex individuals are not as rare as we think; it is estimated that between 1%-2% of the population are intersex.

Under the gender fluidity umbrella are individuals who feel that they are both genders or something else entirely. Nonbinary people fit into this category. They can have no gender, more than one gender, or their gender can fluctuate.

Sexuality, on the other hand, is not related to gender identification. It refers to the gender that we are attracted to. There are four recognized types of sexuality: heterosexual (attracted to the opposite sex), homosexual (attracted to the same sex), bisexual (attracted to both sexes), and asexual (attracted to neither).

Western society has typically been intolerant of those who are not heterosexual and cisgender. In fact, homosexuality was considered a psychiatric disorder until 1987.

But apparently other societies do not see the world as rigidly.

Hindus have deities that are both male and female or neither in different incarnations. Rather than seeing someone different as “defective”, the hermaphrodite (now called intersex), the homosexual, and the transvestite have a symbolic value and are considered privileged beings.

India recognizes a third gender, called Hijras. Hijras are often assigned male at birth, but a few are born with intersex variations. The India Supreme Court in April 2014 recognized transgender people, eunuchs, and intersex people as a ‘third gender’ in law, and on their passport. Nepal, Pakistan, and Bangladesh have also legally accepted the existence of a third gender.

In some indigenous cultures in Mexico, Muxes (pronounced Mu-SHAY) are a recognized third gender.  Muxes are typically born male, but early in their development, their families recognize and accept their female identities.

Native Hawaiians and Tahitians recognize Māhūs, which is an intermediate state between man and woman, or a “person of indeterminate gender.” Some Native Americans and Polynesians acknowledge a spectrum of genders: feminine woman, masculine woman, feminine man, and masculine man.

So, the Western world’s recognition of nonbinary gender and sexuality is really just catching to less restrictive cultures.

Now comes the hard part, avoiding offending someone who does not fit into our binary, heterosexual world. The English language doesn’t help, as we only have male and female pronouns for people. Transgenders and nonbinary people sometimes use they/them…but using that as a singular, is just hard, especially for those of us schooled in grammar.

But the English language is adaptable…many of our words have been derived from other languages.  Just like Ms. has become accepted, I hope that English will evolve to include pronouns that are equally receptive.

I think about how many people have suffered due to our rigidity. And how much the world has lost.

After all, Leonardo da Vinci was a gay man who was born out of wedlock. Had he not lived in liberal, Renaissance Florence, his genius might never have been realized. How many other da Vinci’s have been unable to contribute to humanity because we rejected them?

We will never know.

But it is better late than never.

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

I am addicted to sugar, which makes me a little jealous of people who are not, because sugar is not my friend, for health reasons and because it finds its way onto unwelcome parts of my body.

After observing a relative who loved salad (even without dressing!) and had no interest in dessert, I wondered what is going on? Why do some people love sugar and others don’t seem to care? What about cilantro? To some it is delicious; to others, it tastes like burning rubber or soap.

This cannot be a result of conditioning—and it isn’t.

First the basics, our taste buds detect sweet, bitter, salty, sour, and savory (sometimes called “meat”). Temperature is detected by our tongue.

Specific taste preferences arise from many factors…including environment and memory. My mother was a fantastic baker, and we had delicious homemade desserts after every dinner. She baked pies, cakes, homemade ice cream, strudels, tarts, fudge, cheesecake, cookies, puddings…I am feeling deprived just thinking about it. So, at a young age, I developed an expectation and a craving for something sweet after a meal. (The old—”blame it on mom” theory.)

We have 2,000 to 10,000 taste buds, the more that we have, the more sensitive our sense of taste. We even have some in our mouth, throat, and esophagus. (Which explains why we can sometimes taste a bitter pill that gets stuck in our throat.)

Scientists have categorized us into Super-Tasters, Average-Tasters, and Non-Tasters based on the number and concentration of taste buds on our tongues.

Super-Tasters (such as myself) have the most taste buds. About ¼ of the population are Super-Tasters. Tastes are more intense for us, so sweet is an intensely pleasant flavor. We cannot enjoy bitter foods or bitter vegetables such as brussels sprouts, broccoli, or kale. Super-Tasters cannot tolerate spicy foods and have difficulty with bitter beers and high tannin red wines. We add cream to our coffee.

Super-Tasters are the picky eaters in the family. My brothers (who are also Super-Tasters) subsisted on sugary cereals such as Quisp, Quake, and Cap’n Crunch. I was no better. My parents would occasionally require me to remain at the table until I ate everyone on my plate. I spent many hours staring at broccoli, spinach, and other earthy vegetables.

Average-Tasters make up half of the population. They like bitter, earthy vegetables and savory wines. They can taste the same bitter flavors as a Super-Taster; but it is not as intense and therefore not unpleasant. They are also willing to experiment more with foods.

Non-Tasters (which make up about 25% of the population) have the fewest taste buds. Those are the people who can eat very, very spicy foods and often cannot even taste bitterness. Because of their lack of taste buds, they tend to prefer very spicy, hot foods.

If you want to quickly find out what kind of taster you are, put a drop of blue food coloring on your tongue. If your tongue doesn’t get very blue (because it has so many taste buds), you’re probably a Super-Taster. The bluer it gets, the fewer taste buds that you have.

While taste buds play a major role in taste, there are other factors as well.

• Taste buds become desensitized with age, which may explain why we eat things as adults that we didn’t eat as children.
• We taste with our brain which allows taste memories to impact our senses. For example, when we compare a food with the same food in the past; we are using stored memories.
• Some of our taste preferences are genetic. Researchers discovered that a version of the TAS2R38 gene impacted children’s preference for sweet foods. They have recently identified two common gene variants linked to the taste of cilantro.
• We cannot taste what we cannot smell. If our sense of smell is compromised by competing smells (e.g., perfume or cigarettes) or deterioration of the sense of smell (e.g., a cold); the taste will be diminished. For example, olfactory (odor) genes are the predominant genes for determining the taste of cilantro. The smell of salty foods like ham or bacon, can actually make us taste salt.
• Taste buds can be temporarily impacted by previous tastes, for example brushing your teeth. A compound called cynarin in artichokes temporarily blocks sweet receptors.
• Loud, noisy environments (such as airplanes) suppress flavors.

And as for sugar, it turns out there are evolutionary and cognitive mechanisms diabolically contributing to my love of sugar.

• Sugar cravings are an evolutionary preference to ensure that humans ate high energy foods.
• Sugar releases opioids and dopamine in the brain and can cause a brief “high.”
• Some female hormones (e.g., estradiol), significantly increase the desire for sweets.
• And if the collusion of brain chemistry and evolutionary biology was not enough, research shows that eating sweets helps form the memory of the meal; which is why we often remember desserts.

So, there are many forces at work…and all I have to combat them with is willpower.

Hardly a fair fight.

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

When I tell people that love does not end with death, I often get a skeptical look. But when I ask if they still love their mom; I see the nod of understanding.

Most of us love our moms in perpetuity. Because they loved us so deeply. From the moment we were born, in our most vulnerable state, they cared for our needs, fixed our boo-boos, gave us warm embraces, and loved us no matter what. They protected us from onslaughts, perceived or real.

It is a mutual bond, unbreakable and eternal. And when Wanda Cooper Jones’s son was killed that bond remained unbroken.

When the McMichaels murdered her son, Ahmaud Arbery, they immediately sought protection through the “good old boy’s network” (which also includes a few women). This network has been in existence since slavery first tainted our soil. It is a group of people who determines which race, gender, religion, or nationality should be protected. When the McMichael’s called, the network functioned as it always has, covering up wrongdoing by a member of the  group.

And things would have continued the way they have for centuries, but for the eternal bond between mother and son.

Ms. Cooper Jones was quickly dismissed by this group, after all what could a poor, black woman accomplish? But they forgot about that bond.

And when she created waves; they made their fatal mistake. Believing that the world would see the threat through their eyes, they posted the video that had been hidden by the “good old boy’s network.” And they discovered that the world saw an innocent, unarmed black man hunted down by heavily armed men in pickups with a confederate flag vanity plate. The world saw a situation that we believed was in the dark recesses of the past.

I watched the full video for the first time this weekend and I cried with each shot that pierced the silence. I cried seeing his desperate, unsuccessful attempt to save his life. I felt his fear while they pursued him, deciding that they were judge, jury, and executioner. His crime? Walking through an empty house under construction and jogging in a white neighborhood.

The world erupted and both white and black townspeople demanded justice.

The McMichaels didn’t realize that the “old boy network” had shrunk. They may not have expected a predominantly white jury to convict them.

But a diminished “old boy’s network” was no match for the ferocity of a mother’s love.

And because of that, the world will be a better place. The Georgia legislature sharply limited the law that empowered the McMichael’s to believe that they could chase down and kill an unarmed black man. I, and most white people, no longer believe that black men and women are safe.

And while the world will be better, when the media goes away and our attention moves to another situation, there will still be a loving mother forever grieving the loss of her son.

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

When my sister- in-law goes out of town, I take care of her chickens. I don’t mind, in fact, I rather enjoy it. I have always had an affinity for chickens.

Apparently, I am not alone. During COVID 19, backyard chicken coops became a popular hobby. The government doesn’t maintain statistics on backyard chickens, but hatcheries and chicken coop builders were unable to keep up with the surge of orders, with backlogs sometimes extending months.

My appreciation for chickens began in my youth. I was an avid animal lover with a menagerie of large animals and chickens. Before the sun crawled over the woodlands and after school, I would don my dungarees (which is what jeans were called back then) and collect eggs. Even though we had leghorns (which are boring white birds), I enjoyed their company. At the time, I didn’t even mind the snakes who slithered in to steal eggs. I have since developed an unhealthy fear of them.

The window to own chickens closed when I moved to New Jersey suburbia, so I satisfied my animal connection with dogs and cats.

But I never lost my affection for chickens, which is one of the reasons that we decided to retire in Key West. It offers great weather, scores of restaurants, theater, entertainment, arts, and outdoor activities, and chickens that roam freely around the island.

Key West chickens are escapees from cockfights from Key West’s disreputable past. Tourists and animal lovers, alike, enjoy watching the colorful birds that strut around the island.

Before the sun rises over the ocean, the island echoes with the “cock-a-doodle-doos” of Key West roosters claiming their territories. For “city folk,” who are used to sleeping in, it is not a welcome sound. But to me, it is a siren call. In the hush of the pre-dawn landscape, I leash my dogs and stroll into the park watching roosters on tree branches boisterously proclaiming their kingdoms.

Through a series of homegrown experiments, I discovered that chickens are also somewhat intelligent.

My first experiment was to see if the chickens could recognize me. In the pre-dawn darkness, I would walk my dogs and scatter chickenfeed. Within days, roosters were racing at breakneck speed toward my silhouette to gobble up the scattered food. They were friendly and respectful and followed me throughout the park. But they never learned temporal boundaries. Even though I only fed them at dawn, they followed me whenever they spotted me.

They only recognized me if I was walking both dogs, if I walked alone or with one dog, they ignored me.

Roosters and hens have a short lifespan in the Keys. Predatory birds, raccoons, cars, and even irate citizens keep the flock in check. It is unusual to see the same bird the next year. So, I was pleased when I returned from my summer in Maryland to discover that a favorite rooster recognized me. After a week or two, my experiment over, he realized that I no longer provided food and lost interest in me. For him, it was merely a transactional attachment.

The hens were more cautious, and it took weeks for them to approach me when I had food. If I didn’t see a hen for a while, I knew that she would soon appear with a scattered, peeping brood of up to a dozen newly-hatched chicks. Most hens chose a polygamous relationship based on the desirability of the rooster’s territory. It was unusual to see a single hen and rooster pairing. The hens assisted each other by taking turns nesting and caring for their combined brood.

But tragedy lay ahead. On the first day, hens would proudly stroll with a trail of scatterbrained, peeping chicks, who had little use for hanging with their siblings. Mom’s full time job was keeping these fluffy little “peepsters” in the group. But the little chicks were a tasty appetizer for eagles, hawks, raccoons, and even iguanas and each day one or two would disappear. A lucky hen would raise a single chick to adulthood. Survivors stayed with their moms even past adulthood, peacefully foraging while trying to avoid horny roosters.

The squawking and wailing of a hen who lost a chick was unmistakable. And if she lost the whole brood, she would not eat for several days, searching the scrub bushes and beach refuse for a lone survivor.

But within six weeks, she would reappear with another large brood that she would patiently protect and teach how to forage for food; hoping that this time the outcome would be better.

On the Eastern Shore, the predators are a significant presence at night. My chicken-owning friends have constructed chicken wire fortresses that are carefully monitored to protect their hens from foxes, raccoons, owls, and other raptors. Some allow chickens to roam freely during the day; and an hour before dusk the hens slowly strut back to their pen. But many owners keep their chickens in a large fully enclosed run with raccoon proof locks.

My sister in law purchased female “sexed” chicks (only experts can determine a chick’s gender). One slipped through, however, a defective, tailless rooster. His original name has been changed to “Crockpot.” Unlike my friendly Key West roosters, he has a “chip” on his wing and attacks anyone who tries to get in or around the pen.

It turns out that the hens don’t like grouchy, controlling guys either and they had large bald spots on their backs where Crockpot tried to mount them. In addition to being ornery, he is also inept, and has yet to fertilize an egg. My sister in law has been trying to find a home for him, but there is not a large demand for a nasty, tailless rooster…so he stays, out of the kindness of her heart.

I have discovered that temperamental roosters are not uncommon. During the pandemic, I was entertained by a series of popular You Tube videos called “F Off Kyle.” A frustrated farmer posted videos of his obstreperous, nasty rooster named Kyle who attacked anyone roaming the barnyard.

When I am caring for my sister’s brood, I usually arrive at dusk to feed and check on them, they immediately spot me and come running toward the door of their chicken wire citadel, eagerly awaiting the feed, kale, and mealworms that I will gingerly scatter while trying to keep Crockpot from attacking me.

Yesterday, the hens and Crockpot behaved differently, they were milling about quietly and even Crockpot ignored me. I sadly discovered why. A Plymouth Rock hen had died in the coop. When I went in the coop to retrieve her, Crockpot didn’t challenge me and remained out in the pen.

John Barth, in his book, Tidewater Tales, used chickens in a cage as an analogy for how we handle death. When someone dies, we squawk loudly, but then we settle back to our businesses.

And the next day, things were back to normal, the chickens raced to the door, pecked at their food, and, of course, Crockpot tried to attack me. I lingered to watch them eat, listening to their mumbled clucks and tuneless murmurs. Just going about the business of being a chicken. Until the next tragedy.

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

The George Floyd trial is over. Most believe that the verdict was just…and the ugliness of racism is beginning to recede from the news.

Most Americans became uncomfortable when confronted with racism on that scale. We witnessed other videos and learned that racist epitaphs were hurled at Black Capitol police officers during the January 6^th riot.

Sadly, the memory of George Floyd has dimmed, and attention has been turned elsewhere. COVID 19 continues to divide the country, and Afghanistan and other issues dominate the media landscape.

Some of the remaining debate centers on the extent of racism, with some believing that these are isolated incidents. While others see a frustrating. systemic racism that renders us powerless.

If history is an indicator, racism will continue to haunt us. New incidents will arise, such as the trial of Ahmaud Arbery, a young Black man killed while jogging by White vigilantes.

But there are less visible scars from racism. Not believing in oneself, learned helplessness, a belief that the deck is permanently stacked. Systemic racism tamps down ambition, as generations of Nonwhite Americans have concluded that the wheel of opportunity is rigged. Even with the gains of each generation and the positive impact of affirmative action, progress remains frustratingly slow.

The world is not given to us because we are White, but we enjoy special privileges without being aware of them. My friends and I worked hard to be successful; but we were given the keys to the system by our parents and grandparents. Affirmative action may give someone a key, but if he doesn’t know where or what a lock is…it is pretty hard to get in the door.

It is impossible for me to understand the trauma caused by generations of racism. I wonder how a Nonwhite American can distinguish White racists from White Americans who want change. History might cause someone to believe that all White American belong the first group.

These are not easy conversations.

Fortunately, a local group, St Michaels Community Conversations, hosts these discussions. On Tuesday, November 30, at 5 p.m., St Michaels Community Conversations will partner with the American Association of University Women (AAUW) to host a virtual conversation via ZOOM about long-term racial trauma. Sherone Lewis from Mid-Shore Behavioral Health, Inc. will speak about the trauma of racism from the perspective of the perpetrator and the victim. After her presentation, the group will engage in open dialog, with a goal of mutual understanding.

I hope that everyone who is curious will participate in this conversation. To receive a ZOOM link, email aauweastonmd@gmail.com.

As we learn to walk in each other’s shoes, a true American melting pot can emerge. What a great opportunity for us all!

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

Reading George Merrill’s honest, heartfelt account of his diagnosis and journey brought me back to my husband’s and my last journey.

Six years ago, we were driving to a hospital where doctors would surgically remove a metal scaffolding from his broken leg. Doctors couldn’t understand why his bone wasn’t healing or the source of his excruciating pain. After removing this metal device, they would be able to perform body scans to diagnose a rare, advanced, terminal cancer.

They didn’t know that this would be the beginning of his last journey.

But somehow we did.

On the long drive to the NYC hospital, I impulsively I put in a CD; one that we hadn’t listened to in decades…it was the music that we fell in love to. He touched my arm and smiled, “I would have picked that, too.”

And instantly we were transported back to the time before life’s annoyances and pressing demands overshadowed love. Squeezing the toothpaste from the middle of the tube, late nights at work, career setbacks, parenting struggles…all of those melted away. We were back in love, for the last time.

Every day we talked as we hadn’t talked in years. And we cried. We cried a lot. He would ask me to remarry…still wanting to care for me after he was gone. I promised him that I would take care of what remained.

Hospice workers will tell you that this is a common occurrence. They see it is a privilege to witness and assist these couples’ love stories.

Because love doesn’t end when someone dies.

Love is our superpower.

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.

In a couple of weeks our streets will be filled with fluffy animals walking on two legs, protected by superheroes, tended to by pint-sized doctors, medics, and firefighters, and dazzled by princesses in flowing tulle. The littlest will be riding in wagons pulled by parents eager to steal their stash after they have fallen asleep. The little ones will have plastic pumpkins brimming with candy swinging from their little arms.

But there will also be macabre characters in various states of decay. And some costumes will represent sexualized female heroines.

And this can be a problem.

My daughter was so traumatized by horror costumes that she dreaded Halloween. Desperately wanting to go trick or treating (for the candy, of course), she would close her eyes tightly and only open them after I verified that the oncoming costumes were not scary.

Today’s costumes are much more graphic. We sported stylized skeletons, sheets for ghosts, and stiff, unrealistic Frankenstein masks. Today’s costumes have fake skin, fake blood, and gooey guts.

Some costumes have become so macabre that principals in K-5 schools prohibit them. The school leadership also bans “weapons,” even the plastic kind, fearing that children may get overzealous in their play acting.

So, are these costumes really a problem?

It depends upon your perspective.  If you believe that horror is good fun; then these costumes are amusing.  But if you have been too close to real death and trauma; they can be troublesome, especially for children under five.

Young children have difficulty distinguishing between make-believe and reality. Fortunately, for most children, their trauma dissipates quickly.  (A recent survey found that only 26% of college students reported still being scarred by a horror image or movie.)

However, some psychologists believe that realistic “horror” costumes have the potential to desensitize children to violence. There are also reported cases where children succumbed to phobias. A few reported anxiety, fear, sleeplessness, and in extreme cases, bedwetting.

And what about sexualized heroines such as Wonder Woman? While Gal Gadot beautifully plays one of my favorite heroines; her costume requires significant modifications for young children. And one parent even spotted a French maid’s costume…for a 6 year old!

As children get older, parental influence wanes. If their peers are wearing sexualized or scary costumes, they will wear them too.

So what to do?

One of the authors had a great idea.  Her son had decided to be a very realistic grim reaper, but he didn’t understand the character. After she explained its significance to him, he opted to be a superhero.

So I hope that this year I will see angels and cowboys and walking telephones and homemade costumes and Winnie the Pooh characters and superheroes carrying sacks full of candy.  No matter their costume, I am anticipating the joy on their little faces as they grab handfuls of candies and stuff them into their overburdened sacks.

Happy Halloween!

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.