Call them community rabble rousers or gadflies. Some might call them troublemakers. In most cases, they are citizens extraordinaire.

They typically are singularly focused on stopping something that strikes them as patently unfair or poorly thought-out, or just plain ill-advised. Public officials and those in authority find these people pesty and obnoxious.

A vibrant community cannot survive without them. They are dogged. They often are right. And they hold people accountable, uncomfortably so. They do their homework. They cannot be dismissed—nor should they be.

Dan Watson is one such person. Until he involved himself five years ago in the minutiae of the comprehensive plan, few people (including this writer) paid much attention to the Talbot County Council. He regularly attended meetings. He was determined to flush out what he considered the pro-business attitude of the county council.

He established the Bipartisan Coalition for the New Council Leadership. This group tried to unseat Jennifer Williams and succeeded. Watson was the lightning rod. He drew widespread support and equally damning antipathy. He stepped on toes; he cared little about personal popularity.

As Spy readers know, he has led the campaign to oppose the development of 2,500 homes in the proposed community of Lakeside in Trappe. He has questioned the approval process and the validity of information provided by developer concerning sewage disposal and potential pollution of tributaries leading to the Choptank River.

Watson’s concerns are justifiable. The environmental impact of a huge residential community of 2,500 homes is incalculable.

He has been relentless. His due diligence has been thorough and verifiable. He has amassed community support. He appeared before the county council last week. He pressed his case, perhaps too lengthily. He ruffled some feathers.

He stood up for the future of a rural county and an exceedingly small town threatened by a project of overwhelming size.

The mix of Dan Watson, land use, sewage capacity and the controversy over the Confederate Talbot Boys Monument have awakened this previously soporific community. Not too long ago, only the possibility of lifting the tax cap stimulated lively discussion and understandable dismay when the status quo was the result.

Richard Potter, president of the Talbot County chapter of the NAACP, picked up the gauntlet to push for the removal of the offensive monument. His arguments embodied passion and hurt about a distasteful monument that exemplified racism and the vestiges of slavery.

Potter has led with strength of conviction and undeniable justice. He too refused to yield to the county council’s intransigence. He was effective and credible. He too cared little about popularity. His last resort was a lawsuit after being denied a chance to appear before the county council.

Being satisfied with exclusion no longer was an option for Potter and hundreds of like-minded citizens. The Confederate monument in front of the Talbot County Courthouse, the only one of its type on public land in Maryland, is a disgraceful embarrassment.

Citizens like Dan Watson and Richard Potter, leading the charge against errant policies, have given life and zest to the public square in an otherwise quiet county.

The Talbot County Council no longer sits on a figurative island protected by its resistance to change and reasoned arguments. It must be accountable.

I also hear that Margie Elsberg in Kent County stepped up to help save the Chestertown hospital over several years. While she would be the first to say that many others helped in this effort, it was due to her persistence and convictions that led the State of Maryland to eventually reclassify this important health facility as a “rural” hospital, allowing it to remain a full-service facility.

I applaud Watson, Potter, Elsberg, and unseen others willing to buck indifference and reverse untenable positions taken by the majority of the council. I commend Councilperson Pete Lesher for his lonely, common-sense position on the council.

Talbot County residents are now engaged participants in local democracy. Their voices, greater in number than ever before, are being heard. They are willing to immerse themselves in the trenches of disputable issues and accept little else but change, albeit incremental.

All to the good. Talbot County benefits.

Columnist Howard Freedlander retired in 2011 as Deputy State Treasurer of the State of Maryland. Previously, he was the executive officer of the Maryland National Guard. He also served as community editor for Chesapeake Publishing, lastly at the Queen Anne’s Record-Observer. In retirement, Howard serves on the boards of several non-profits on the Eastern Shore, Annapolis and Philadelphia.

A few weeks ago, I opined that General Mark Milley, chair of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, should resign for failing to adhere to the chain of command for having two conversations, at the end of 2020 and beginning of 2021, with his Chinese counterpart, hoping to tamp down concern about potentially hostile actions that China feared might happen during Trump’s last few months in office.

Revelation of these conversations appeared in two different books and a magazine article.

Understanding that General Milley served a reckless, irrational and irresponsible president, capable of questioning and trying to overturn the results of a legitimate election—as verified in courtrooms in response to frivolous lawsuits filed by Trump supporters—I still thought that the nation’s top military officer violated the primacy of civilian rule in a democratic country.

He served his country in a way unfamiliar to his commander-in-chief. He upheld his oath.

I have changed my mind. As he testified in two congressional hearings, Milley had received approval from the then Secretary of Defense Mark Esper to call his Chinese counterpart. Both Esper and Milley had received intelligence that China dreaded combat actions by the volatile, unhinged and impulsive Trump.

Writing this column is as difficult as the previous one. During Trump’s presidency, Americans learned to accept, reluctantly and distastefully, his unpredictable decisions and statements. But few of us would have imagined that he would have deliberately incited an insurrection against the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021.

A president who delighted in breaking norms had no compunction in lighting a fuse under a mob of rioters. Domestic terrorism waged against our citadel of democracy proceeded with Trump’s blessing.

Who among us, except the most devout Trump supporters, could have expected such a horrific spectacle?

Who among us, except Trump devotees, felt anything but disgust and revulsion on Jan. 6?

I thought I was watching a horror film. It ended poorly. Perhaps the Chinese did as well.

As noted, I called for Milley’s resignation. I hesitated doing so. It was a painful assertion. I respected him far more than I did our feckless commander-in-chief. I do not agree, however, with Milley’s statement, made during a congressional hearing, that resignation is a political act.

When retired General Jim Mattis resigned as Secretary of Defense in response to Trump’s decision to withdraw from Syria, I never would characterize his stepping down as anything but honorable and admirable. Because he strongly disagreed with the president’s decision, one he simply could not support for its disregard of the value of alliances, he resigned.

As I previously wrote, those serving a president impervious to sound thinking and advice found themselves constantly having to decide if their integrity and honor outweighed their desire to serve their country under a defective leader and person. This dilemma must have plagued competent and decent people in the Trump White House.

Pangs of conscience were an occupational hazard when serving Trump.

Resignations of Jim Mattis, Gen. John Kelly, Gary Cohn and John Bolton, among others, represented a grasp of reality: their sense of selfless public service conflicted with the self-centered, unmoored perspective of the White House.

Gen. Milley acted responsibly in his patriotic contacts with his Chinese counterpart. His boss, Secretary Esper, blessed his calls. The White House knew about the communication. He did not contravene the sanctity of civilian control over the military.

(As I repeatedly proofread this column—as I do with all the ones prior to it— I am aware Trump backers will resent my extensive use of derogatory adjectives when describing our 45th president. They will characterize me an unapologetic Trump-hater.

What I despised was his lack of respect for the presidency and the legacy of its occupants, who, though flawed, viewed service to the nation as superior to themselves. Not one would have instigated a riot).

General Milley was a hero. He and his boss, Secretary Esper, wanted to avoid hostile action by a rival concerned about an erratic president. Hence, Milley tried to reassure an apprehensive world power.

Columnist Howard Freedlander retired in 2011 as Deputy State Treasurer of the State of Maryland. Previously, he was the executive officer of the Maryland National Guard. He also served as community editor for Chesapeake Publishing, lastly at the Queen Anne’s Record-Observer. In retirement, Howard serves on the boards of several non-profits on the Eastern Shore, Annapolis and Philadelphia.

During a “town meeting” two weeks ago at BayWoods, the wonderful waterfront retirement community in Annapolis that has been our home the past 11 months, I was struck by two things:

The candid and capable presentation by the corporate staff about matters related to current and future operations—and the engaged participation by senior citizens whose best years are in the past. Age does not negate your instincts and intelligence, though both may become a bit dulled by a lengthy life journey.

As if we were living in a small town, we are immersed in the financial health and stability of a place that is our home. We cannot be oblivious to the management of our congregant living environment.

We all must pitch in to make our community better, as people do so selflessly in towns and villages throughout the Shore. Only normal community-building. Lack of concern is perilous.

I have written before about my wife’s and my life in a community where you hear no sounds of children playing and screaming and befriend neighbors of all ages. When declining health affected a neighbor back home, that person often spent his or her remaining years in an assisted living facility. We often lost track, sadly so.

Here at BayWoods, the same thing happens. Friends and neighbors often living on your hallway require care offered in assisted living or acute care provided in the BayWoods complex. They no longer can enjoy independent living.

Surrounded by neighbors and friends using stylish walkers and motorized wheelchairs, I naturally wonder if my cane will give way to more extensive ambulatory assistance in the near future. I think about life’s passages and wonder when I will confront rough, unremitting waves.

Beyond their physical infirmities, these people are determined to live with zest, purpose and humor. Why should they not apply their same energy, though limited, and their abundant wisdom gathered during their work and family lives to matters important to their place of residence and well-being?

And they do, rather impressively.

They also participate enthusiastically in cultural and athletic activities in Annapolis. Pro-Naval Academy sentiment runs extraordinarily strong at BayWoods. West Pointers are tough to find. “Go Army” utterances face good-natured sneers. I like to stir the pot at times.

As I moved through my career and personal life, I often thought that success was related to the survival of the fittest, those who could navigate the shoals of life and emerge stronger and more capable, though perhaps bruised and scarred along the way. I gave little or no attention to health, though felled by a heart attack at the age of 48.

I felt fortunate to have endured the painful cardiac episode and other tragedies. I felt satisfied that I could give up drinking, cold turkey—and enjoy life without alcohol, a constant companion since college. I could cope with my best college friend’s death at the early age of 65 and then decide I would retire in homage to his too-soon death.

I had the ability to learn and apply hard, searing lessons and remain optimistic amid the throes of all too frequent challenges, personally and professionally.

Now, as I observe BayWoods residents and so many others dealing with advanced age, I just wonder if it is plain luck or genetics or good eating and exercise habits (not necessarily applicable to me) that deter the sometimes-debilitating effects of aging. I believe that a combination comes into play in unpredictable ways.

A go-with-the-flow attitude might be the best antidote. Over-achievers find it difficult, if not impossible to adopt a carefree mindset. Kudos to those who can. I am not a member of the laissez faire group.

Just last week, a neighbor died at age 92. He led the St. John’s Seminar at BayWoods. He had been a trade group executive during his career. He had been a runner till injured by a fall. He loved to talk about literary classics. In fact, he just liked to gab, citing passages that he assumed I knew.

I have a front-row seat on aging, including my own. Optimism and resilience are major factors in deterring disabling effects, though my diagnosis is far from scientific, and very arguable, I suspect.

Onward, cheerfully and hopefully.

Columnist Howard Freedlander retired in 2011 as Deputy State Treasurer of the State of Maryland. Previously, he was the executive officer of the Maryland National Guard. He also served as community editor for Chesapeake Publishing, lastly at the Queen Anne’s Record-Observer. In retirement, Howard serves on the boards of several non-profits on the Eastern Shore, Annapolis and Philadelphia.

 

 

If you looked around the sanctuary of Temple B’ Nai Israel last Thursday evening, you would have observed a diverse and transfixed audience. It was drawn by an award to a man who has the uncanny ability to bring together people on the Mid Shore of all faiths.

That person is Rabbi Peter Hyman, who received the Del-Mar-Va Council’s, Boy Scouts of America, 2021 Midshore Distinguished Citizen Award for his well-acclaimed service to Scouting since he was a youth and earned the coveted rank of Eagle Scout.

I wrote about Hyman two weeks ago and did not expect to do so again. Then, I experienced an unusual feeling of community, of coming together and uniting around an award recipient known for his interfaith, open-arms and good-natured approach as a religious and civic leader.

Attendees seemed genuinely engrossed in the ceremony, as they listened to stories about Hyman’s spiritual contribution to worldwide jamborees, and his precedent-setting trip to Saudi Arabia as a rabbi and chair of the World Scouting’s Messengers of Peace program. King Abdullah welcomed the cheerful Jewish clergyperson.

Sitting behind me was the assistant manager of the Tidewater Inn, Walter Thomas, an Eagle Scout. Sitting across the aisle from me was a young man, Jack Leffingwell, a recent graduate of the U.S. Merchant Marine Academy, a former neighbor and an Eagle Scout. Dick Bodorff, the emcee and a friend, is an Eagle Scout. Al Smith, a planning committee member and attendee, is an Eagle Scout.

Scouting unifies all classes of people of all creeds and colors. Founded in 1907, the BSA continues to flourish, helping young men and women develop outdoor skills, teamwork and beliefs in ideals such as loyalty, duty, honor and service above self. Regardless of the dissonance and divisiveness in our world, these life-sustaining values remain strong and well worth preserving.

Trite though it might sound, there was a magical quality about the event in a sanctuary normally reserved for the worship of God and the hallowing of justice and decency. The fit was appropriate; Rabbi Hyman and Scouting ideals were interchangeable at Temple B’Nai Israel on a pleasant evening following a heavy onslaught of rain.

Hyman was pleased and touched by the outpouring of warmth and recognition. He admitted he was speechless, unusually so.

Those privileged to attend could enjoy a few hours free from strife and discord. They could celebrate a man devoted to a youth organization that improves our sense of citizenship and humanity.

Lord Robert Paden-Powell, founder of the Boy Scouts and a retired British Lieutenant General, once described Scouting as providing a haven of sanity in an insane world. He also said, “We must change boys from ‘what can I get’ to ‘what can I give’ attitude.”

His words ring true today. Discord among people of differing political or social or economic views has never been greater in our country since the Civil War. Acts of selflessness seem rare in our me-first world.

The feeling of unity and goodwill was palpable last Thursday. It was refreshingly different and wholly desirable.

Columnist Howard Freedlander retired in 2011 as Deputy State Treasurer of the State of Maryland. Previously, he was the executive officer of the Maryland National Guard. He also served as community editor for Chesapeake Publishing, lastly at the Queen Anne’s Record-Observer. In retirement, Howard serves on the boards of several non-profits on the Eastern Shore, Annapolis and Philadelphia.

Photos by Paul Forti

Revelation of the decision by the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Gen. Mark A. Milley, to assure his counterpart in China that he would circumvent any decision by President Trump to use nuclear force to attack our nation’s Asian rival strikes at the core of the primacy of civilian rule in our American democracy.

However, I am torn about whether to condemn or praise our top military officer as he dealt with the threat of potentially destructive actions by a president engaged in increasingly erratic actions during the last few months of his term in office. It was this president who was seeking to overturn a legitimate election, claiming fraud where there was none, going so far to incite an insurrection on Jan. 6, 2021.

Still, Milley overstepped his authority by thrusting himself into politics. He circumvented his chain-in-command. He did what he thought was best to protect our country amid the unpredictable, impulsive behavior of a madman.

“Perils,” a book written by the Washington Post’s Bob Woodward and Robert Costa, along with another book and “New Yorker” article, discloses two conversations that Milley had with his counterpart, one before the election and one after the Jan. 6 assault on the nation’s capital. He initially sought to assure General Li Zuocheng of the People’s Liberation Army that he need not worry about aggression by the United States.

Context is important. 

Trump’s propensity to act against accepted norms and entangle his subordinates in questionable, unethical behavior was well-known. The reputations of his associates were always at stake. Many chose to resign, such as Gen. John Kelly, his chief of staff, John Bolton, his National Security Council advisor, and Gen. Jim Mattis, his secretary of defense.

The question then arises whether Milley should have resigned and written a sharply worded letter as Mattis did to express his criticism of Trump’s decision to withdraw all forces from Syria and betray our Kurdish allies. Mattis’ letter so infuriated the president that he demanded that Mattis leave his position as secretary of defense earlier than the agreed upon time.

After spending more than 30 years in uniform, I view the premise of civilian control of the military as inviolate, established by General George Washington’s resignation at the end of the Revolutionary War. Political considerations must come into play at times during go or no-go tactical decisions. Though I well understand the natural tension between civilian leaders and high-ranking generals, I have always considered the fraught relationship as necessary and useful as a check and balance.

I still do. 

Though Trump had no respect for the appropriate use of the military, as demonstrated by his enlistment of General Milley in his walk in June 2020 to St. John’s Episcopal Church amid the Black Lives Matters protests in Washington, he served as commander-in-chief, albeit an irresponsible one.

Milley was sworn to protect our country and Constitution, as he understands fully well. His service has been superior. Unfortunately, he violated the separation between civilian control and military acquiescence. 

While I commend President Biden’s support of, and admiration for Milley, I question the general’s ability to remain as Joint Chiefs chair. His credibility, unfortunately, as an apolitical military officer has diminished. 

General Milley must resign. He did not commit treason, as Trump alleges. Just the opposite. Instead, he committed an act of honor and integrity. He acted heroically. He no longer could trust his commander-in-chief, understandably so. Nonetheless, he crossed the line of propriety.

He was right to disrespect a reckless president. He was wrong not to resign and state his reasons as forcefully and honorably as he believed necessary.

He made the wrong decision for the right reasons.

Columnist Howard Freedlander retired in 2011 as Deputy State Treasurer of the State of Maryland. Previously, he was the executive officer of the Maryland National Guard. He also served as community editor for Chesapeake Publishing, lastly at the Queen Anne’s Record-Observer. In retirement, Howard serves on the boards of several non-profits on the Eastern Shore, Annapolis and Philadelphia.

 

Temple B’Nai Israel’s Rabbi Peter Hyman is an Eagle Scout and proud of it.

His two sons are Eagle Scouts. He represented the World Organization of the Scout Movement’s Messengers of Peace program on a visit to Saudi Arabia in 2012.

He is a spiritual and community leader in the Mid-Shore area, known for his ecumenical outreach. For his congregants, he is credited with building membership since his arrival in 2009 to more than 200 members.

In June 2018, a brand-new building was built on Tristin Drive, off Easton Parkway (Rt 322), at the southernmost point of Easton, to accommodate the growing congregation of Temple B’Nai Israel, the Satell Center for Jewish Life in the Eastern Shore. Since its founding in 1951, the synagogue had been located behind Memorial Hospital.

On Sept. 23, beginning at 6 p.m. at the temple, Rabbi Hyman will receive the Midshore Distinguished Citizen Award from the Del-Mar-Va Council, Boy Scouts of America (BSA). At the same event, he also will officially receive the Bronze World Award, the highest international Scouting honor.

Through this annual event, more than $70,000 will be raised to support Mid-Shore Scout troops, specifically helping families unable to afford fees. The outpouring of support from the community has been heartwarming and well-deserved.

For full disclosure, I serve on a local committee comprising community leaders who have been working with the district council to plan the event and seek financial support. Unsurprisingly, we have learned first-hand how many people of all faiths, as well as the Temple B’Nai Israel family, like and admire the outgoing, personable and humorous religious leader.

For further disclosure, I rose to the rank of Cub Scout. My ambitions were limited.

In recent years as a member of the organizing committee, I have learned how many Eagle Scouts live in the Mid-Shore area, and how proud they feel about attaining the highest rank in Scouting.

I had the privilege to listen a few years ago to Dick Bodorff and Jim Harris, 2019 and 2020 recipients, respectively, of the Distinguished Service Award, as they traded stories about achieving the Eagle Scout rank. They credited their Scouting experience with life lessons that accrued to their benefit as they achieved career success.

A young neighbor, Jack Leffingwell, who just graduated from the U.S. Merchant Marine Academy, was an Eagle Scout. I marveled at his rock-solid commitment during his teenage years to climb the Scout ladder, as most of his friends sought more adolescent activities to fill their spare time.

In speaking with a few people in recent years in pursuit of financial support of the annual recognition event, I have encountered adverse reactions to the lawsuit filed against the national Scouting organization for predatory sex abuse many years ago and the subsequent bankruptcy. Some compared Scouting allegations to the abuses in the Catholic Church.

While I do not discount these responses, I prefer to focus on Rabbi Peter Hyman, Dick Bodorff, Jim Harris, Jack Leffingwell and so many other Eagle Scouts, and what they have accomplished in their lives, due in part to Scouting. I prefer to believe the Scouting executives, who have stated that the Boy Scouts of America have strengthened their criteria for the choice of Troop leaders and the training that these individuals must undergo.

I am also pleased that women are now admitted to the BSA. It is as it should be.

I am impressed that roughly 10 percent of the classes at the service academy are Eagle Scouts, our future military and corporate leaders.

Rabbi Peter Hyman is an exemplary religious and community leader. His receipt of the Del-Mar-Va District’s Midshore Distinguished Service Award testifies to his lifelong interest in, and dedication to Scouting. He serves as a role model to youths and adults.

And, of course, he is a respected teacher and faith leader.

Columnist Howard Freedlander retired in 2011 as Deputy State Treasurer of the State of Maryland. Previously, he was the executive officer of the Maryland National Guard. He also served as community editor for Chesapeake Publishing, lastly at the Queen Anne’s Record-Observer. In retirement, Howard serves on the boards of several non-profits on the Eastern Shore, Annapolis and Philadelphia.

A week ago today, I spent my 76th birthday with seven family members at Nationals Ball Park sitting in field level seats behind home plate generously provided by a college classmate who is part of the family who own the Washington Nationals baseball team. I cannot lie that the seating and service were incredibly comfortable, affording a close-in view of our field of dreams that evening.

Now that I have bragged about the venue, I will wax a bit philosophically about a sport that continues to grab the attention of American spectators across the country. As someone who always tended toward faster contact sports—and began playing lacrosse at age 10—I always wondered why Major League Baseball (MLB) remained popular, particularly in relation to professional football.

Fans arrive hours ahead of a National Football League (NFL) game to engage in tailgating, an activity that requires ample consumption of food and alcoholic drinks. Add to that pre-game socializing the compulsion felt by many to paint their faces and wear outlandish costumes to immerse themselves as fans of gladiatorial combat.

Talk about escapism in its most blatant form.

Behavior at a pro-football game often reflects the costumes: wild and crazy at times. The fourth quarter of a football game at the Baltimore Ravens M&T Stadium can bring not only heroic performances, but equally obnoxious outbursts by loyal, inebriated fans. The spectacle in the stands can be disconcerting.

MLB games are different, almost boringly so. While the action on the field is not spellbinding, it is captivating in a more subtle way. It also brings out athleticism unconnected whatsoever to a crushing football block or tackle, or an acrobatic catch in the end zone.

The battle between a wily pitcher and a determined batter is almost a piece of art. Its final stroke is unpredictable.

A double play to end a rally is a thing of beauty. I never fail to be impressed.

A home run is always a highlight, perfect symmetry between a batter, his rapidly moving bat and pitch location. Fans immediately become energized.

A perfectly executed bunt—rare indeed—is a marvel. How does a batter accomplish that feat when the pitch may be coming at him at 90 miles per hour?

A stolen base thrills me. The runner’s speed vying with the catcher’s throw to second base, both seemingly arriving at the same time, is mesmerizing.

An incredible catch against the outfield fence by an outfielder timing his jump just right to prevent a home run is a feat that astounds me.

Other reasons draw men and women to a ballpark. A powerful one is memory. I’ll never forget attending a Pittsburgh Pirates game at the now-defunct Forbes Field in Pittsburgh with my brother and uncle and watching an outstanding player named Roberto Clemente perform what seemed like miracles in the field and at bat.

A college friend told me last week, after patiently hearing me describe my birthday at Nationals Ball Park, how he skipped school as a youngster living on Long Island to watch the New York Yankees’ pitcher, Don Larsen, throw a perfect game against the Brooklyn Dodgers in game five of the 1956 World Series at Yankee Stadium in the Bronx. He’s now a Philadelphia Phillies fan.

An Easton friend proudly displayed a painting of the game in which Larsen captured history. This friend has always been a steadfast Yankees fan, fondly remembering the minor-league Yankees team that played in the late 1940s in Easton.

Perhaps the experience last Tuesday night will leave a lifelong impression on my grandchildren, 10 and 8. One of them seemed more interested in the food than the action. That just makes her normal.

Baseball offers tradition, childhood memories, clinch hits and mind-boggling fielding (the incomparable Baltimore Oriole, Brooks Robinson, comes readily to mind, as does the remarkable San Francisco outfielder, Willie Mays) that continue to entice fans to watch America’s pastime, surrounded by family and friends amid the thrill of watching superior athletes perform sometime super-human exploits.

As Yogi Berra, longtime New York Yankees catcher and accidental philosopher, once said, “Baseball is 90 percent mental and the other half is physical.” Only Yogi, the master of malapropism, would know what he meant. Nonetheless, his observations are part of the lore and magic that create public interest in baseball.

Columnist Howard Freedlander retired in 2011 as Deputy State Treasurer of the State of Maryland. Previously, he was the executive officer of the Maryland National Guard. He also served as community editor for Chesapeake Publishing, lastly at the Queen Anne’s Record-Observer. In retirement, Howard serves on the boards of several non-profits on the Eastern Shore, Annapolis and Philadelphia.

Hidden behind the doors of private homes and apartments are people who receive little notice except from family and close friends. They bear all-consuming burdens with love, frustration and fatigue.

They are caregivers. They are husbands and wives. They are daughters and sons. Friends, too.

Often, but not always, the caregivers are ministering to loved ones, who, due to dementia, Alzheimer’s and other brain diseases, cannot communicate. In many ways, they no longer are the people who once were vibrant, with distinct personalities, often the centrifugal forces in their family and community orbits.

They are shadows of themselves. They are living lives devoid of quality and engagement.

Fortunately, they are not alone. Nor should they be. Their caregivers are heroes; their only weapons are love, compassion and perseverance.  Their lives too are mostly joyless.

I think about an Easton friend who has cared for a dementia-ridden wife, a former teacher, for at least half a dozen years. He is rarely seen. He took on sole responsibility as the caregiver.

Here at BayWoods, a continuing care retirement community, I’ve seen incredible acts of heroism on the part of wives and husbands. Nothing will deter these strong and loyal souls from caring for and about their disabled spouses. They see a sliver of life in a person whom they love and cherish. 

That bond will never vanish.

In an essay in the New York Times written by Tom Coughlin, the two-time, hard-nosed Super-Bowl-winning coach of the New York Giants, entitled “Nothing Could Prepare Me for Watching My Wife Slip Away,” he reveals that his wife Judy suffers from an incurable brain disorder that diminishes her ability to walk, talk, think and control body movements. Her memory and ability to voice emotions are depleted.

“Judy’s decline has been nothing but gut-wrenching and has placed me in a club with tens of millions of other Americans who serve as a primary caregiver for a loved one,” Coughlin said. “Admittedly, transitioning from being with an N.F.L. franchise to a full-time caregiver wasn’t easy.

“It’s still not easy. The playbook is either changing by the minute or so numbingly repetitious, you lose track of time.”

Describing his wife as a vivacious, outgoing woman and himself as “lousy at my new job” during his first year of caregiving and “still lousy at being at home,” “I know there’s no other place I could ever be.”

Engaged now in a full-time job that has few timeouts and no half-time, Coughlin said, “A friend said that we don’t get to choose our sunset, and that’s true, but I am so blessed to get to hold Judy’s hand through hers.”

Caregiving is exceedingly difficult. Frustration is common, and so is anger targeted both at yourself for not being able to do more and your loved one, who no longer can openly love and treasure you.

Tom Coughlin’s essay was heart-wrenching. But he provided significant coaching to other caregivers facing a situation where victory is not the objective.

And he rightly paid homage to unsung, often unseen heroes who operate outside their comfort zones to ensure that their loved ones are treated with dignity and empathy.

As Judy Cornish, an author who has written about caregiving for those suffering from dementia, said, “Offering care means being a companion, not a superior. It doesn’t matter whether the person we are caring for is experiencing cancer, the flu, dementia, or grief.

“If you are a doctor or surgeon, your expertise and knowledge come from a superior position. But when our role is to be providers of care, we should be there as equals.”

Columnist Howard Freedlander retired in 2011 as Deputy State Treasurer of the State of Maryland. Previously, he was the executive officer of the Maryland National Guard. He also served as community editor for Chesapeake Publishing, lastly at the Queen Anne’s Record-Observer. In retirement, Howard serves on the boards of several non-profits on the Eastern Shore, Annapolis and Philadelphia.

Competence or lack thereof seems to be the latest stalking horse for pundits aiming their indignation at President Biden for the sadly flawed exit from Afghanistan. Having enjoyed favorable polling numbers since his Jan. 20, 2021, inauguration, Biden has now suddenly become inept and incompetent for the messy departure from the Kabul airport more than a week ago.

The From and Fuller’s weekly interchange of opinions last Thursday in The Spy exemplifies the doom and gloom permeating the media over the Kabul uncoupling. I found it unsettling.

Fortunately, Craig Fuller proposed taking a long view; 20 years of futile combat accounting for nearly 2,500 American lives and thousands of invisible and visible wounds suffered by American soldiers offered Biden little choice but to stanch the literal and figurative bloodletting by pulling out American troops and citizens.

Fuller’s viewpoint, based on his extensive experience with disappointing and disorderly decisions made by our presidents, was refreshing. He brushed aside the “harsh” judgments.

So, this obviously poorly planned withdrawal has drawn a horde of critics questioning the competency of our president for the initially botched exit. While I agree that Biden and his team deserve criticism for a sloppy and deadly pullout, I cannot subscribe to the theory that the president is incompetent. Or that his presidency is doomed to an irrefutable perception of incompetency.

The undercurrent to the scathing attacks is Biden’s age (78) and the alleged decline of his cognitive abilities based on hearsay and unfounded rumors. As Biden is wont to say, “Hey, man, give me a break.”

Was the young President John F. Kennedy incompetent for his authorization of the ill-fated Bay of Pigs incursion in 1961—but suddenly brilliant (and competent) for his handling of the Cuban Crisis in 1962?

Was President George Herbert Walker Bush competent for his adroit leadership during the first Persian War in early 1991—but incompetent and ill-advised for agreeing with a Democratic Congress on a tax hike in 1990 that led to a strong economy under his successor, Bill Clinton? I well understand he disavowed any intention (“read my lips”) to raise taxes during his presidential campaign and then changed his mind when in office.

Was Franklin Delano Roosevelt incompetent for not anticipating Japan’s successful attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941, but a paragon of leadership and resolve for overseeing the war-changing assault on the Normandy beaches on D-Day, June 6, 1944?

I could go on and on with other examples of competent vs. incompetent decisions by our presidents. Doing so would be unproductive. Not all decisions—including ones not made–are good ones. Nor are they always ruinous to a presidency.

My point is straightforward: in our poisonous political theater, the knives emerge quickly and contemptibly during a crisis. Sometimes the condemnation is justified. Sometimes it is premature.

A friend referred to the awful scene at the Kabul airport as “one of the most amazing system failures of our lifetime.” This friend is normally averse to apocalyptic statements. Not this time.

A system failure would be 9/11 when nearly 3,000 people, mostly Americans, were killed by terrorists who had hijacked four US aircraft. Well aware of Osama bin Laden and his effective Al Qaeda organization, our intelligence organizations failed to communicate with each other.

I do not believe that anyone accused President George W. Bush of incompetence. Instead, he drew praise for how he handled the response and comforted the nation.

As a longtime Republican who came to Washington as a young staffer with President Reagan and then as chief of staff to Bush 41, Fuller correctly opined during last week’s Spy that questions about Biden’s competency represented a “harsh judgment that was unwarranted…that his choices were terrible and worse.”

Amen, Craig Fuller.

Columnist Howard Freedlander retired in 2011 as Deputy State Treasurer of the State of Maryland. Previously, he was the executive officer of the Maryland National Guard. He also served as community editor for Chesapeake Publishing, lastly at the Queen Anne’s Record-Observer. In retirement, Howard serves on the boards of several non-profits on the Eastern Shore, Annapolis and Philadelphia.

For some unknown reason, I began thinking recently about friends who have died during the past 11 years and still spark memories of people wired to make a difference in ways small and large. They strayed mightily from the status quo.

Candy Backus, who died in 2010 of ovarian cancer at 66, was a powerful force for good at the Chesapeake Bay Maritime Museum. She was one of the creators of the still successful Boating Party and an incomparable volunteer. She was forthright and opinionated; ambiguity was not her style. She was intensely loyal to her friends.

Candy also served as chair of the Talbot Hospice. She left her mark on increased philanthropy at, and visibility for Hospice. She was an active, engaged chair.

Mike Menzies, who died at 65 in 2014 of multiple myeloma, epitomized the penultimate community banker as president of Easton Bank & Trust founded by David Hill and a highly respected civic leader. He was intelligent and savvy. He loved being a banker who sought to improve the community which he served.

At one point Menzies was chairman of the Independent Community Bankers of America, a volunteer position that required him to spend considerable time in Washington, DC trying to persuade members of Congress to pay as much attention to small as well large banks. When he spoke, he talked with deep knowledge about and insight into community banks, while understanding and bemoaning the financial clout of large national banks.

Having served closely with him during his 16 years as The Adjutant General, commander of the Maryland National Guard, I became very close, professionally and personally, with Lt. Gen. (MD) James F. Fretterd of Federalsburg. He died of kidney failure in November 2016 at the age of 86.

He was a taskmaster, a demanding, tough-minded boss who was often difficult to please. At the same time, he was fair with a reservoir of common sense. His passion for the Maryland Guard and the people who served him loyally and conscientiously was enormous.

Born and raised on Staten Island, he loved the Eastern Shore, particularly his farm on Route 404. He embodied the straight-forward manner endemic to Caroline County.

Eric Lowery, who died at 71 in June 2020 of cancer and pneumonia, was someone whom I wished I had known better. He was a major player in the erection of the Frederick Douglass Monument in front of the Talbot County Courthouse. He and his wife, Harriette, a descendant of the original families of Unionville, moved to Talbot County in 2008.

What I especially liked about Lowery, who graduated three years after I did from the same high school in Baltimore, was his soft-spoken, friendly manner and his receipt of a Bronze Star for service during the Vietnam War. He also came home emotionally suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, plagued by this malady for most of his post-war life.

During his years on the Shore, he began talking about his life-changing combat experiences. It was helpful to him, providing some emotional relief. I was fortunate to listen to some of his stories.

In December 2020, when Millie Parrott died, our community lost a person who helped found Talbot Hospice and was a stalwart volunteer and parishioner at St. Mark’s United Methodist Church in Easton, where she was the first woman on the board of trustees and the first woman to chair the board.

I got to know Parrott when she worked at Talbot Hospice as the volunteer coordinator during my wife Liz’s 14-year stint as executive director. Millie Parrott was indomitable in ensuring that families of Hospice clients received sufficient care and attention. She was known far and wide for her devotion to Hospice.

I could write about so many others. This column could become too lengthy for readers. The five whom I selected were relentless doers and servant-leaders. They also were good, decent people who focused their energy and talent for the benefit of others.

Columnist Howard Freedlander retired in 2011 as Deputy State Treasurer of the State of Maryland. Previously, he was the executive officer of the Maryland National Guard. He also served as community editor for Chesapeake Publishing, lastly at the Queen Anne’s Record-Observer. In retirement, Howard serves on the boards of several non-profits on the Eastern Shore, Annapolis and Philadelphia.