Ahh, Spring, and this is a special Spring because we missed the last one. And during Spring our hearts turn to love. For those of us who are single, it often means getting onto a dating website. Periodically I join a paid dating site…then I quit. I have met some nice people, but nothing that makes me want to change my life.
When a woman of my age joins these websites, we can be assured that most of our potential suitors will be “catfishers.” While many of them are clever and keep me in the conversation until I catch on. This latest one is so bad, that I had to share it. (Also, I need material for a column.)
There are many ways to spot a “catfisher” and often they are online all the time and they talk about how beautiful you are. They rarely answer a question. The best way to get rid of one is to ask for a Zoom meeting.
So, for all of you voyeurs out there, here is a transcript from my most recent “suitor.”
Suitor’s “Profile”: He is a widower, about 10 years my junior, average looking, has a PhD, and lives in Annapolis.
My “Suitor”: Hello There, how are you today? what an elegance of beauty. you wear a gorgeous smile . I’m Peter, your profile piqued my interest too and am keen on getting acquainted with you , i believe we can share more interest together to see how much we have in common , soon stay blessed and beautiful. Peter.
What I Think: Oh Good Lord, knowing English would be a good start.
What I Say: It is good to hear from you, you sound very interesting. What does brutally honest and passionate mean?
(That is what something that he said on his website.)
My “Suitor”: so happy to get a response from you. It means totally submissive to honesty and passionate. what do you believe it takes to build a wonderful relationship? .for me I believe that the combination of communication, trust and mutual respect is the key in any successful relationship, and you have to find someone who is on same journey with you, and is ready to compromise or disagree to agree lol , although nothing can survive without attraction and chemistry.
What I Think: This nonsense is hard to read, but I am desperate for material.
What I Say: That is so nice, but I think that you might want a younger woman.
My “Suitor” I really do appreciate your time in responding to my text, I want you to know some few points about me, I am an Engineer, I specialized on building and construction, am an independent man who loves his job and plans well for the future and I’m in search for a lovely woman who will forever remain my life partner as well as growing old together. I don’t mind about the age. I feel okay with you.
What I Think: Will he ever answer a question? But I want to string this on a little longer (at least it keeps him from “catfishing” others.)
What I Say: Annapolis is such a beautiful town, are you a sailor?
My “Suitor” I’m not a sailor, I believe in respect. So if you don’t have self respect how can you respect others, am calm reserved and I have a big heart ,always caring of others, i love to be around nature , i have a great sense of humor, am very hardworking, . outgoing, get along with just about everyone, i have a personal relationship with God and i put him first in all i do. I love to try everything at least once! I believe you sometimes have to take chances in life. My favorite time of the the year is summer, beaches, golfing vacations. am extremely passionate and very romantic. am the kind of guy that always does his best to put a smile on the face of his woman cause i will always treat her like a queen she is with so much love and respect. I truly want to find a best friend. Someone to share all the little things that matter the most . I’m far from perfect and can’t claim to be. I believe in being nice and expect the same. I have been told that I have a great personality. I love to make people laugh. I love to cook . When I say cook I’m talking about meals that you would pay outrageous prices for .
What I Think: This guy isn’t even trying; I should be insulted that he has put so little effort into this. I think that he is stringing random words together. But I am going to try one more time to see what he is up to. Then I will report him.
What I Say: That sounds lovely. So what are our next steps? I am a little old fashioned and like the man to take charge.
What I Think: Of course, anyone who knows me knows that this is NOT TRUE.
My “Suitor” I’m good looking and i can represent. I Enjoy life to the fullest! Outgoing people, love to be outdoors, bowling, dominoes, cards, bque’s, the beach, travel, festivals, movies, as well as a quiet evening at home. Ideal Woman is outgoing, carefree, great sense of humor, hard working, loves his friends and family, and have common interest. I can be a bit of a smart azz at times but its all in good fun. Look at life as the glass half full. Positive outlook on life is very important to me. Life is a beautiful thing! Should be treated as such. Have been very blessed with a beautiful 2 kids. I have some of the best friends a man can have. Took some time out for myself. Now I’m ready for that special someone to share my life with. Could you be the one, such a cheesy line huh LOL!!
What I Think: I give up…time to report him.
Thus ends my word salad suitor.
Gotta love the Internet, you can always find good material.
Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.