After a thorough search of the town ordinances of Chestertown, circumstances dictate that a new ordinance may be needed.
An anti-panhandling duck ordinance is needed to protect the patrons dining alfresco at several High Street eateries.
Without notice or announcement, a female mallard duck swoops in daily, from the sky and waddles along the street, greeting patrons and panhandling. A sight to be seen. The name of this friendly duck is unknown, as well as her place of residence. However, panhandling on High may be her main occupation. Apparently she has a vast variety of tastes, with the exception of a lemon wedge thrown from a rapidly disappearing cocktail. The lemon wedge is not acceptable to her taste buds
This situation is rapidly becoming a serious crisis that demands the urgent attention of the town council. Now there are many town ordinances which have been adopted over the years, including, noise, speed, zoning and others. However, there is not an anti- panhandling duck ordinance. This omission, in a town with an ample duck population year round, especially with the fall influx, is not acceptable. Is this a legislative error? Could this be a simple oversight or a real conspiracy? Would it help to appoint a task force or a study commission? That may ruffle some feathers.
Politically, such a move might engender the opposition of Ducks Unlimited or the American Ducks Civil Liberties Flock, Chestertown Chapter.
The proposal of such an ordinance might split the votes of the council and cause the Mayor to cast a tie vote. Wonder where she stands on duck panhandling. Whichever way the Mayor comes down may determine if the Mayor will be the winner of the William Donald Schaefer Mayors Helping Ducks Award next year. Such a flighty issue could become a politically sensitive matter, such as LED signs and plastic bags.
Since it is probably true that all ducks are created equal, it would appear that there is no constitutional issue in enacting an anti-panhandling duck ordinance. However, it could not be limited solely to High Street. That would not survive a Supreme Court review.
Let us hope that the town council does not wait until fall to act on this urgent matter, when the annual duck invasion occurs in Chestertown and Kent County. Wonder if the Board of County Commissioners will consider a similar legislative approach? If so, this matter could be a two to one vote, depending on duck loyalty.
At least, bringing this significant issue to the attention of the town council will determine which members give a quack.
joe diamond says
Actually ducks are not created equal.
Some are bassists while others are trumpeters. There are piano ducks and sax playing ducks. The list goes on. They could make the music of the skies with just a little organization. They hatch with natural rhythm. When they beat their wings they fly; their song could be cool if only they could be sorted correctly. What is needed is to form appropriate groups for the ducks. Some are soloists and can sing anywhere. Others do better in a combo setting. All that is needed is to band the ducks….so they can play.
Disregard ducks wandering around outdoor resturants. They are the girlfriends of ducks that have been banded and are out playing a gig somewhere.
Joe
Fletcher R. hall says
It looks as if you do give a quack.
Fletcher R. Hall
Chestertown
Stephan Sonn says
That’s just ducky!
MBTroup says
And don’t forget the bald sopranos.
Joel Brandes says
Has everyone’s mind taken flight?
Stephan Sonn says
Duck and cover!
Fletcher R. Hall says
Gee, folks this was a serious piece.
Fletcher R. Hall
Chestertown
joe diamond says
. . .then there was the duck who wanted to look better for the big migration. It landed on a cosmetic counter in a drug store. As the clerk watched the duck move the lipsticks around on the counter the duck looked up at the clerk and in a serious tone of voice said, ” put this on my bill will you?”
Joe