If you are a fan of Tea Party traditions—and we are—your tea might not be as bracing this year as last. Word from on high, possibly the ghostly wrath of King George III’s himself, has fired a 12-pound cannonball through the mainsail of our festivities. And we’re left a ragged hole in our fantasy.
No more British seaman to be thrown off the Sultana! No more, I tell ya.
The insurance company underwriting Sultana is now forbidding the hurling of bodies from the vessel during the Tea Party reenactment. (We would have liked to have seen those actuarial tables).
While the wonderful Sultana Educational Foundation is not to blame—they have to walk the plank—the Spy is investigating whether or not the insurance underwriters have current ties to the United Kingdom or any affiliation with what we might call “revenge underwriting” organizations similar to the U.S. Weather Service’s attempt to censure Punxsutawney Phil from appearing above ground during the first day of Spring.
The Spy is also trying to find out if individuals wanting to be heaved from the deck of the Sultana could sign some sort of waiver, complete with a wax seal, drop of blood (and a map of the Northwest Passage on the other side).
Sadly, it seems that sometimes the world can be made too safe for us, forcing artistic spontaneity into the style still life of a bell jar.
Surely a “redcoat overboard” rider clause can be inserted into the insurance contract. Part of freedom is the allowance for gleefully leaping off a ship with a bale of tea, damn the actuarial tables.
Avast. We’ve always wanted to say that. Or is it “Divest?”