Recently our elderly Maytag washing machine died, or, as they say around here, “went up.” (When I first heard that phrase fifteen years ago, I had to stop the storyteller describing her refrigerator’s demise to ask for clarification. “Excuse me,” I asked – “your refrigerator went UP?”) There was an explanation and a guffaw at my ignorance, but the etymology of the phrase still puzzles me – do appliances go “up” as in “up in a puff of smoke,” or do they “go up” to some sort of appliance heaven? My mother used to employ an equally inexplicable phrase if something was broken, stating that it was “on the fritz.” Long live regional dialects, even if the Malling of America continues.
Our former Maytag was eighteen years old and had already withstood several repairs, so for an early Festivus present to each other, my husband and I went to the Sears next to the Chester 5 Theatre and bought a new washing machine. We don’t use the dryer much, but going without a clothes washer was not an option, particularly since the kids would be coming home for the holidays with bales of undone laundry. We chose a high efficiency top loading machine that has almost twice the capacity of our former “extra large” model. The least expensive option was top loading, which we chose, but we did spend a little more money to get an “agitator-free” model which is apparently, by law, going to be the wave of future.
With the new “high efficiency” washing machines, naturally you must use special high efficiency detergent, or you might cause damage to your new appliance. If you insist on using a non-HE brand, you could cause over sudsing reminiscent of the “Brady Bunch” episode where Bobby dumped an entire box of washing powder into the washing machine and then stupidly went off to do his homework. In order to buy the correct detergent for a high efficiency washing machine, look for the “millennial swoop logo” (phrase stolen from former co-worker) containing a lowercase “h” and “e.”
On the car radio yesterday I heard a shill cheerfully announcing that “Everyone wants a washer and dryer with a stainless steel basket!” We now have half of that particular American dream – our new washing machine has a stainless steel basket! So exciting! The exterior is a staid, standard-issue, white enamel, which has considerably brightened up our cobwebby basement. Nonetheless, I can appreciate the visual appeal of an immaculate white laundry room adorned with front-loading cherry red enameled appliances perched on top of pedestals replete with drawers to store things, even if in ten years they will look as dated as the avocado-hued appliances of days of yore.
The cost of our new washing machine was approximately what I pay each and every bloody month for my health insurance, a “Blues” plan, through the State of Maryland. For a birthday present, they raised my monthly premium to SEVEN HUNDRED AND TEN DOLLARS A MONTH. (Yes, I know that I’m screaming.) After a few diagnostic procedures in the next month or so, I am seriously considering cancelling this “luxury,” and taking my chances, as do many of my friends. Hey, I eat pretty well and do Pilates, I’ll be fine!
I also had a Blue Cross Blue Shield plan in the mid 80’s. While making every effort to attend my sister in law’s wedding in Canada in 1986, I found myself in the throes of needing life-saving, emergency surgery even as we were in the midst of decorating the reception hall. I had to travel by ambulance for almost an hour before I went under the knife. On the down side, I missed the wedding and the reception, but on the plus side, I didn’t die.
For my six-week surgical follow-up, I was back in the States, and went to see my doctor in Washington, D.C. It was several minutes before she came into the examination room where I was waiting in my paper gown. The first words out of her mouth seemed shrill: “And why didn’t WE do the surgery?” Before answering, I decided that this would be my last visit to this doctor, and then answered measuredly that the surgery had been performed in Canada. (Note to any doctors still practicing in Maryland – we patients think that it’s “real cool” if you take a few minutes to acquaint yourselves with our charts BEFORE you barge into the examination room.)
A couple of weeks after that unpleasant visit, I got my medical bills from Canada. The entire charge for the forty-minute ambulance ride from Westport, Ontario to Kingston General Hospital, the diagnostic procedures, emergency surgery, transfusion of three quarters of my blood, and a week in the hospital, (as well as lodging for my husband, who was allowed to bunk in the medical residents’ quarters) was ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS. I sent the bill to my BCBS plan and they paid it dutifully. They also (hilariously and incorrectly), referred to my ordeal as an “in-office procedure,” probably because they were confounded by the low fee.
If I did cancel my health insurance, I could, ostensibly with that money, buy a new major appliance for each month of the year. Fortunately, “they” don’t make things the way they used to, so we could probably use a few “spares.” A couple of weeks after our washer died, our six year old microwave oven went up. So young! Replacement parts for it are probably no longer available, and it would be cheaper to replace it than repair it anyway. On Thanksgiving at one of my sister’s houses, we heated up the gravy in a microwave that our dad purchased during the Reagan administration. The gravy was nuked to the perfect temperature by a machine that probably gives off enough radiation to perform a chest x-ray or a mammogram. Too bad I lack the skills to jerry-rig it to perform those tests, since I really cannot afford my health insurance.
So I’ve got the blues about the Blues. Most likely I will downgrade to a catastrophic plan with a $10,000 deductible, as I am not keen on losing our house if another major health crisis should arise and I didn’t have any medical coverage. Perhaps I am risk averse, but I enjoy having a roof over my head even more than I enjoy washing clothes in our new washing machine.
Other Liz says
Just this afternoon some co-workers and I were discussing the woes of health insurance costs and one of them really “went off”.
Sarah Lyle says
Oh dear. I feel SO uncool. I don’t even know what a stainless steel basket is! Is it part of the machine? Does it attach to the machine? Or is it that item with which I am quite familiar, the steel basket on wheels of laundromat fame?
And by the way, those avocado-hued bathroom fixtures of days of yore are alive well, albeit mildewed and cracked, and living in my [rented] house right now in the present!!
After a long desperate spell of unemployment, I have a job. Can’t afford to own a house, travel, eat out or buy all the art supplies I’d like, but at least I have my health…..insurance.
May I suggest the following link?
https://healthcareforamericanow.org/
Always love Liz Janega’s pieces!
Joe Diamond says
Hey Liz,
I think your problem with understanding what happens when something “goes up” comes from an expectation that all communication is intended to ……communicate. This is not always the case. Had your washer failed due to a manufacturer’s defect someone would have had to buy you a new house because the manufacturer had done something wrong and injured you. Had your washer leaked all over your floor someone would have had to “make you whole” because tradesman malpractice had damaged you. But if something goes up……….well, stuff does that. It just “goes up.”
It is the same with “medical insurance.” Everyone wants good health. What amount is too much to pay for good health? So you buy medical insurance to keep yourself from going up. But if they drag old Liz into some emergency room you have to make sure some community college grad doesn’t write on your chart…”just went up!” When a doctor get around to you he will write on the same chart….”Yup people do that……..she went up.”
You have an expectation from the medical insurance company you are paying………..(the same one that quoted me only $1000.00 per month) that they will provide medical care if you need it. Actually you start sending them your money. After you go up……..the doctors, hospitals, specialists, practitioners, laboratory specialists, ambulances and their chasers will descend.
Now, about this Canada you mentioned. Is that around here?
Joe
Bob Garson says
Liz Janega, You are a wonderful talent!
This is a great piece.