On Thanksgiving some folks enjoy football as well as the food and festivities. I am entertaining a fantasy gathering of my own devising – some writers and cooks who would bring an element of élan, as well as elegance, to any meal. I wasn’t alive for the Algonquin Roundtable. I was too young for Warhol’s Factory. I didn’t go to Harvard, so no Lampoon for me. And now, aging and terminally uncool, I live oh so far, far away from hipster Brooklyn to even qualify for a walk-on bit on Girls. I am sadly suburban. At least I can cast my own fabulist get together. Here is how Friendsgiving could be at my house.
“Food is an important part of a balanced diet,” announces Fran Lebowitz as she swings open the front door. The next one on the doorstep is John Cheever. “I’ve always had a great many cocktails before Thanksgiving dinner, and I have no intention of changing my habits until I have to.” He moves swiftly to the improvised bar in the corner of the living room. I hear ice clinking in his Delmonico glass.
A John Cheever Whiskey Sour
3 ounces whiskey
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon superfine sugar
3 ice cubes
1 orange peel
1 Maraschino cherry
https://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/whiskey-sour-200068
Our wise and level-headed friend Amanda Hesser, from Food52, has this sage advice for a Friendsgiving meal: “Plan for your turkey to finish roasting 2 hours before dinner so you can carve it, arrange it on a platter, dampen it with some gravy, and simply rewarm it in the oven 15 minutes before you serve it. See how it lowers your blood pressure and frees up your oven! Sit down and have a cocktail with everyone!” Cozily, she and John Cheever have their stocking feet up on the ottoman, laughing heartily.
Hovering in the kitchen, and peering disappointedly into the oven at the roasting turkey is Calvin Trillin, “I have been campaigning to have the national Thanksgiving dish changed from turkey to spaghetti carbonara,” he says to an attractive dark-haired woman. “Everything you see I owe to spaghetti,” Sophia Loren confides. They clink their John Cheevers.
https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/12965-spaghetti-carbonara
Calvin and Sophia engage Nora Ephron in a lively discussion about the mashed potatoes. She confesses in a conspiratorially fashion, “I have made a lot of mistakes falling in love, and regretted most of them, but never the potatoes that went with them.” A.A. Milne and Piglet are sitting at the kitchen counter, earnestly nodding in agreement. “If a man really likes potatoes, he must be a pretty decent sort of fellow,” they chime in. Giggling. Oh, my.
https://food52.com/recipes/2936-classic-mashed-potatoes-gravy
Martha, that showoff, has brought two kinds of stuffing. Which is a good thing, because I won’t eat the one with oysters. https://www.marthastewart.com/1038818/oyster-and-cracker-dressing Give me cornbread and sausage stuffing any day! https://www.marthastewart.com/337095/cornbread-and-sausage-stuffing Her apron matches her potholders and the curtains she has just installed in the kitchen. Jonathan Swift is trailing Martha rather closely. I hope he hasn’t knocked back too many John Cheevers!
“He was a bold man that first ate an oyster,” he murmurs knowingly into her shell-like ear…
In charge of the dinner rolls is James Beard, who pronounces over the hum of the cocktail enthusiasts: “Good bread is the most fundamentally satisfying of all foods; good bread with fresh butter, the greatest of feasts!” He deposits a large breadbasket on the sideboard, and adds a dish of the best butter, too. He samples a roll, and nods approvingly, before gliding over to the bar.
Carl Sagan is holding court near the sideboard, slyly eyeing the desserts.“If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch, you must first invent the universe,” he announces to Neil Degrasse Tyson. Robert Krulwich and Jad Abumrad eavesdrop wildly. Too many John Cheevers in this corner of the room!
Apple pie, by Sam Sifton: https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/12320-apple-pie
Erma Bombeck and Julia Child stand by a bookcase, assessing our collection. “What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?” asks Erma. Julia, enthuses, “People who love to eat are always the best people.” Garrison Keillor, who is never a man to tolerate a moment of deadening silence adds, “Sex is good, but not as good as fresh, sweet corn.” He is smug when they assent.
As we walk in to dinner I heard Cesar Chavez opine to Woody Guthrie, “If you really want to make a friend, go to someone’s house and eat with him… the people who give you their food give you their heart.”
Have a wonderful Friendsgiving!
“After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relatives
–Oscar Wilde
Margaret Fallaw says
Hilarious and very clever.