In Talbot County, all divorces are handled by the Circuit Court. In 2020 of the 1231 cases filed in Talbot Circuit Court, 186 were divorces. Many divorcing couples use mediation. There are many benefits. The process is less adversarial than litigation, which reduces animosity. Couples work together with a mediator to work through dozens of questions in a constructive process that can help preserve a future working relationship. This is especially important if the couple have children.  Mediation is much less emotionally harmful, and better overall, on children. They would much rather see their parents working together than be in conflict. In fact, mediation often teaches ways to communicate that can be used later when discussing parenting issues that are bound to come up. Divorce mediation is the most child-focused of all the divorce processes.

Mediation gives both parties more control over the decisions. They have more, and better, information than the court will ever have. And mediation offers more flexibility and creativity in finding solutions.  This is more likely to create a more durable agreement. 

 The legal system moves slowly and can be expensive. A fairly complex divorce mediation might take five or six 2 hour sessions. The length depends, of course, on the issues to be resolved and the couples’ willingness to agree and compromise. The time required can be shortened by the parties agreeing ahead of time on issues, thereby reducing the number that need to be mediated. Homework and preparation will also insure the best outcome in each area being mediated. For example, coming to mediation with lists of assets, ownership, and values will move discussions along more quickly. 

There are several major areas covered by divorce mediation to include marital property, financial assets, and parenting. The role of the mediator is to help work out agreements on these issues. This can take time and hard work. During the process the mediator helps to keep the lines of communication open, create ideas, and assist  in making decisions. Mediators help keep the couple focused on the issues at hand. A divorce mediator is neutral and doesn’t represent either party. 

Using a mediator in your divorce does not necessarily mean divorcing couples do not need legal advice and help. They generally do. There are often complex legal questions concerning property, retirement plans, alimony, and child support. However, the efficiency of mediation can provide attorneys with settlement instructions concerning many issues that have already been decided. Using mediation will not cause you to lose your right to litigate your divorce in front of a judge.  Information shared during mediation will always remain confidential. 

As you make joint decisions concerning the terms of your divorce, the mediator will draft a document called a Memorandum of Understanding.  It will summarize, in detail, the results of the mediation. 

Divorce mediation is the most flexible of divorce methods. It gives the couple control over the terms of the divorce by creating an agreement that meets, to the extent possible, each parties’ needs in a process that is civil, constructive, and forward looking. 

Steve Forrer lives in Easton. He is formerly Dean and Vice Chancellor of University of Maryland Global Campus. He is currently a mediator for the Maryland District and Circuit Courts. Questions can be submitted at www.doncastermediation.com/contact for Steve to answer in this column. He also accepts private mediations.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I could not find the statistics for Talbot County, but according to CNBC, the average US household with debt, including credit cards, auto loans, mortgages, now owes $155,622.  All together that is$15 trillion. Just to put it in context, the US Gross Domestic Product is about $20 trillion. The average amount of debt by generation in 2020 was:

• Gen Z (ages 18 to 23): $16,043
• Millennials (ages 24 to 39): $87,448
• Gen X (ages 40 to 55): $140,643
• Baby boomers (ages 56 to 74): $97,290
• Silent generation (ages 75 and above): $41,281

It is fair to say that most of us in Talbot County have some debt. That is not necessarily a bad thing, as it allows us to own a home or a car. However, during the recent pandemic many families lost jobs and found themselves behind with payments. In fact, the average amount of debt in collections in Maryland is $1,105.

Most credit card companies will contact you and attempt to make arrangements to help you pay. There are times, however, when they basically give up trying to recover what is owed. They are in the loan business, not the debt collection business. To recover some of their loss they “sell” the debt to a debt collection company. These companies buy the debt for pennies on the dollar and then hope they collect more than they have paid. You can be assured that they will try their best to collect. That’s how debt collectors make their money. They will contact you for payment. If you do not pay, or if you do not respond, the debt collector is likely to sue you in Maryland District Court. The District Court can hear matters where the amount sought, excluding interest and costs, is $30,000 or less. If you find yourself in court you may want to get legal advice. It is free if you use The Maryland Court Help Center (410-260-1392).

If you are being sued in District Court you may have the option of using mediation to help settle the debt. A mediator is a neutral facilitator who will guide the parties through a conversation that will provide a solution acceptable to both. The mediator will not take sides and will not offer solutions, but will help you find them. The offer for mediation will come from the District Court Alternative Dispute Resolution Office prior to your trial date. Watch for it.

The good news about mediation is that it puts both parties in control of the outcome and you do not lose any legal rights to a trial should you not settle. Because mediation is confidential, no information shared during the mediation can be used later in court. Mediation also gives the parties considerable flexibility concerning the terms of the settlement.

If both parties agree to mediation, they must both realize neither will get exactly what they want. The debt collector will not get every dollar owed and the other party will have to pay something. However, the terms of the settlement can be flexible. For example, payment may be made over time or at a reduced amount. This can allow a settlement that works for both parties while lowering the risk of not knowing how a judge will rule.

Mediation, whether through the court system or private, is a low-risk option that can be very helpful in settling bad debts and allowing you to move on with the rest of your life.

Steve Forrer lives in Easton. He is former Dean and Vice Chancellor of University of Maryland Global Campus. He is currently a mediator for the Maryland District and Circuit Courts. Questions can be submitted at www.doncastermediation.com/contact for Steve to answer in this column. He also accepts private mediations.

Think about the Talbot Boys controversy. Two sides with very different points of view. Does the statue stay or get moved? I am sure that, like me, every mediator asked themselves, “Could I successfully guide the two parties to an acceptable settlement.”  For sure, it would not have been easy. Luckily, most other disputes we face, whether community- based or private issues, are not so complex and politically charged. 

After all, mediation is about reaching agreement. The process is guided by a trained mediator whose job is to guide disputing parties to a common understanding and agreement.  In mediation, the parties decide the outcome together, not the mediator, judge, jury or in the case of the Talbot Boys, the County Council.  This gives the parties great flexibility in creating a settlement. Naturally, the last step in successful mediation is to create and sign a settlement document. In a court-referred mediation, that will become the basis for a court order and case dismissal. What makes a good settlement document?

The document is created by the parties under the guidance of the mediator. It should reflect accurately the “meeting of the minds” and, to the extent possible, reflect their language.  Generally, the document will be very specific, and the more specific the better, as it avoids later confusion. 

The parties will be named. Given names may be used, or in court-referred mediations, Plaintiff or Defendant might be used. Why the parties are agreeing on terms will also be described. For example, “The Parties have voluntarily agreed to the following in an effort to resolve case D-21-12345.”

Details of the settlement are important to include.  For example, when each party will perform on what they agreed. This would include dates, amounts of payments, form and schedule of payments, or types and quality of repairs. Place of performance also should be described in detail. This would include addresses where payments should be sent and by what method. In parenting agreements, the terms will be very specific, including definitions like when does the weekend start, what does “after school” mean.   Last, there should be a procedure to follow if the agreement needs to be changed. That often includes returning to mediation. 

The goal of the settlement document is to memorialized the hard work of the mediation and to provide very specific actions for both parties to follow. You will be asked to voluntarily sign the settlement agreement. Once you do, it generally becomes binding. Never sign an agreement if there is something you don’t understand. In that case, have a lawyer review it before you sign. You can get free advice from the Maryland Court Self-Help Centers. You can speak to or chat live with lawyers at the Self-Help Center on most weekdays from 8:30 a.m. to 8 p.m. These lawyers cannot represent you in court, but they can give you brief advice. Call 410-260-1392. Or chat live at mdcourts.gov/selfhelp.

There is one more thing to consider. Mediation will help you reach a better understanding of the situation between you and the other party. However, it does not always result in an agreement. If you don’t reach an agreement on some or all of the issues, you don’t lose any rights. You can still have your conflict resolved through the court. Because mediation is confidential, what is said in mediation can not be used in court.

Steve Forrer lives in Easton and is former Dean and Vice Chancellor of University of Maryland Global Campus. He is currently a mediator for the Maryland District and Circuit Courts. Questions can be submitted at www.doncastermediation.com/contact for Steve to answer in this column. He also accepts private mediations.

 

 

 

Steve Forrer, Ph.D. Final         5/7/22   548 words

If you select mediation either privately, or through the Talbot County District or Circuit Courts, you will need to do some homework. Mediation is not magic. It’s hard work.  Benjamin Franklin said it best, “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” Once you have committed to mediation the best way to insure an efficient and positive outcome is to spend time preparing.  There are lots of things to think about.  Here are a few.

Think about the issues.  Enter the mediation with an understanding of the situation. Gather your facts and documents. Objectively consider the events that led up to the conflict, and the facts as you recall them. This will help sharpen your point of view.  It also offers insight into the other participant’s thinking. Consider how they might see the facts. It will be helpful in reaching an agreement.

Prioritize potential outcomes.  Those highest on the list are likely your “needs.” Needs are conditions that would be hard for you to give up.  Lower on the list are your “wants.” These are the “nice to have” conditions, but not critical.   Since compromise is part of the mediation, do not expect to get all your wants. Remember, needs can become wants based on the discussion. Avoid coming to mediation with pre-determined bottom lines… “They are not getting one penny.” Absolute boundaries will only limit resolution and mediation is likely to fail. When you agree to mediate you are looking for a result that is acceptable. It will not be perfect. 

Consider your emotions. By its very nature, conflict or disagreement is emotional.  The challenge is to keep your emotions from hijacking your ability to make good decisions. Thinking about what triggers your emotions ahead of time, and anticipating them can help you avoid getting caught in the emotion trap.

Consider others attending. If you have one, you many want your attorney to attend with you. In complicated mediations they can advise on legal matters. The mediator cannot provide legal advice. It is also important that all the parties that have the authority to settle the dispute are present. This not only communicates the willingness to seriously mediate, but avoids confusion and delay. 

Consider what happens if there is no settlement. Consider the cost and time required to go to litigation. In the Maryland Courts COVID has backed up court dates by months.  Further, there is the real possibility you may not win. It is hard to predict a judge or jury determined outcome. Going to court will provide resolution, but it will be very narrow.  Mediation will provide much more flexibly. For example, one party may want an apology or a confidentiality clause. The court is not likely to offer either condition in its narrow decision. Successful mediation allows both parties to move on with their lives and leave the stress and ambiguity of the disagreement behind.

Although it sounds obvious, get a good night’s sleep the day before. Mediation can be long, emotional, and exhausting.  The process is hard work and requires all parties to concentrate and focus on a positive outcome.

Steve Forrer lives in Easton and is former Dean and Vice Chancellor of University of Maryland Global Campus. He is  currently a mediator for the Maryland District and Circuit Courts. Questions can be submitted at www.doncastermediation.com/contact for Steve to answer in this column. He also accepts private mediations.

 

There is a famous quote by Ronald Reagan, “Peace is not the absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceable means.” Conflict is one of life’s constants.  You did not get your security deposit back from the landlord. As a divorcing couple, you want to decide how to split marital assets.  Your neighbor insists on practicing their drums late into the night.  Many conflicts are quickly resolved, but others are more of a challenge. Emotions can quickly get in the way of a rational request and conversation.  Mediation is often the answer to finding a resolution. A mediator will not provide legal advice and they will not decide the outcome of the dispute. They will, however, put the conflicting parties in control of the outcome by facilitating a conversation that will lead to a settlement.  That settlement will not be perfect, but will satisfy both sides. 

Once you have decided mediation might work, the question becomes how do you find a mediator? If you have a case that has been filed in court you have the option of requesting mediation prior to a trial. In Maryland District Court you can make that request on the forms you file. By checking the request for Alternative Dispute Resolution box, the ADR Office will contact you and facilitate the assignment of a mediator from an approved roster.  In the Circuit Court, the judge may order parties to mediation and assign a mediator

You can also go directly to the Court’s Alternative Dispute Resolution Resource Guide at mdcourts.gov/macro/adr-resourceguide. On the webpage, you can use a searchable database of private mediators who have experience with your specific situation. Or use the county guides to find a community mediation program in your area. These programs are located across the state and have a roster of trained and approved mediators. You can contact these programs directly. Simply Google “community mediation near me.” 

You can also find a mediator in private practice. One resource is www.mediate.com. That site allows a search by area code and by mediation topic. Remember, you and the other party must agree on who will serve as the private practice mediator. Last, if you have an attorney, ask them to provide a referral. 

As you select a mediator there are questions you will want to ask.  Ask the mediator to describe the process and what you can expect during mediation. Ask about the length of a typical session and where it will take place. Are on-line sessions via Zoom available?   Does the potential mediator have experience with your type of case?  You should also ask about cost. Private practice mediators will typically charge an hourly fee for their time. Court-based mediation programs have set fees or, in the case of District Court, are free.  Community mediation centers generally offer their services for free or on a sliding scale.

The first step, that is deciding to use mediation to settle a dispute is the most important. Once that joint decision is made, there are many resources to help you find a mediator to help. 

Steve Forrer, former dean and vice chancellor of University of Maryland Global Campus, is currently a mediator for the Maryland District and Circuit Courts. Questions can be submitted at www.doncastermediation.com/contact for Steve to answer in this column. He also accepts private mediations

Driving on the St. Michaels Road the other day I came across a minor fender bender. To say the least, there was an “active” conversation going on between the two drivers. By the time I came back the other way, both drivers were calmly exchanging information. It reminded me that disputes happen every day. They might be with your roofer, your spouse about dividing marital property,  or settling an insurance claim. All these disputes are fair game for mediation. Whether court-referred or private, mediation is a process where a trained, impartial mediator helps people communicate, understand each other, explore options for mutual gain, and reach an agreement that is satisfactory to both parties.

Traditionally in Talbot County mediation sessions have been held face to face, but with the COVID outbreak many sessions are now being held using Zoom, and with considerable success.  Regardless of the format, the process might sound a bit daunting.  It’s not, if you understand the basics. Here  is the good news about mediation.

First, mediation is confidential. What is said in mediation cannot be used in court at a later date.  The mediator may not be called to testify about any mediation communications, and will keep all conversations and information confidential. Why is this important? It allows the parties to freely, and creatively, suggest and discuss solutions that the court could never consider or even imagine. This does not mean you cannot discuss ideas and solutions outside of mediation. You can, for example, get input from advisors, or family, as you consider options.

Second, mediation is completely voluntary. Parties can leave the mediation session at any time. Participants cannot be forced to agree to anything. Settlements reached are only final when there is voluntary agreement by all parties.  In court-referred mediation, if the parties do not reach agreement, they can still proceed with their case in court. No legal rights are lost by participating in mediation.

Third, mediation puts you in control. The mediator will not act as a decision-maker or judge. Their job is to remain impartial and facilitate the process.  Mediators will not give legal advice or make decisions. Keep in mind if you go to court, the resulting court decision will be based on a very narrow question. For example, exactly how much money must be paid. However, in mediation the parties decide what solutions will work best for them. That might include a financial payment, but also other conditions like confidentiality or restrictions on further claims.  In mediation you have the opportunity to add conditions and solutions that would be beyond what the courts can require. This control can lead to very creative agreements, as long as they are legal.

A successful mediation will result in a written summary of the settlement for the parties to use going forward. This understanding, for example, can be used to instruct divorce attorneys or become a court order in a court-referred mediation.  

Mediation is hard work. The process can be emotional and difficult. While expressing your views you will, at the same time, need to understand the views of the other party. You are not likely to have all your “wants” met. The process features give and take, which always involves compromise. 

Steve Forrer lives in Easton, is former Dean and Vice Chancellor of University of Maryland Global Campus, is currently a mediator for the Maryland District and Circuit Courts. Questions can be submitted here for Steve to answer in this column. He also accepts private mediations.