I imagine that after watching ugliness unfold in our nation’s capital during our first week of 2021, like me, you questioned the fresh breath of hope you experienced when the ball dropped on New Year’s Eve.

Wednesday’s events rocked me to my core. I have been reflecting on all of the additional work we will now need to do to heal our country and prove to ourselves and the watching world, that we are indeed “indivisible” and “one nation under God.” And as I sat transfixed in front of the tv, I was keenly aware of my children sitting next to me. But I could not turn the television off, and I could barely speak. I regret I let Owen watch the news unfold that night for several hours.

Wednesday night when Owen came downstairs to let me know he couldn’t sleep, and that he was scared and felt sad, I had the realization that it was time to begin processing and healing at home.

As we work through the events last week and look to the Inauguration next week, I just wanted to offer you some ideas and thoughts that might help your children process the events of last Wednesday and beyond.

First, try to use the news as a learning opportunity, not entertainment. With children, it is important not to let them interpret the news. Most of our children, especially younger children, don’t need a lot of explanation or language. But they do need help understanding the big picture and reassurance that despite the very sad events of January 6, 2021, they are safe.

Children are watching the events unfold. Just like you may have felt, they will also sense the instability of our country. I think it is powerful is to remind kids that our country has existed for over 200 years. We have a process that has withstood the passage of time over and over again. Even though Wednesday was a scary, messy day, the democratic process prevailed. Lynn Lyons, a noted child psychologist, talks a great deal about how “anxiety needs a plan.” Talk about the election process, what they can expect in the upcoming weeks, whatever provides a deeper understanding that a structure exists.

Next, help your child identify how they feel. Many of our children are “energy sponges” and although they feel things deeply, they may not actually be able to tell you what that feeling is. I used to have a mini-poster with emoji’s on it and for my students with language challenges, I would have them point to the emoji and give them the word. Naming a feeling helps a child begin to work through it.

I have learned to not assume that I know and understand how the kids are responding to events. Don’t be surprised if what you thought your child was feeling, is not what you expected. For example, a few years ago I heard from a parent that the family dog had been hit by a car in front of my student. Autumn starting crying during my reading class and as I tried to comfort her and talk about Scooby, she interrupted me and said, “Mrs. Bamford, I am NOT crying about the dog, my mom wouldn’t let me go to my friend’s house today.” Feelings are feelings, try not to judge them.

Adult behavior can definitely impact children. Our “energy sponges” tend to absorb adult stress. Marc Brackett from the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence says there is something called “emotional contagion.” Often especially with younger kids, you will see them begin to mimic you. If you are teary, they might be. If you are short-tempered, your little person may reflect that energy as well. If you find yourself getting frustrated with your child’s behavior, just check-in with yourself and see how you are feeling. Some days we all might need a little timeout!

Another idea is to talk about your family’s core values. Talk about your family’s “code of conduct” and what you as a family stand for. As someone with the distinct pleasure of knowing your children, there are many positive character traits they exemplify. Remind them of those positive traits when you see or hear examples of bad behavior. For example, when witnessing acts of violence, you might say, “Our family believes in working our problems out with words. Violence is never a solution.” When someone is belittling another person, respond with “we treat other people with respect even if we have a different opinion.”

Finally, be honest with your children. If you articulate an emotion you are feeling or something you are trying to work through, couple any negative emotion with a positive, growth mindset idea or action. If you are confused about what is going on, it’s perfectly fine to let your kids know you are trying to understand what happened by finding more facts. If you are angry about the situation, let your children know you are angry at the situation, not them. However, it might take a while for you to work through it.

Our children, like us, now have this day as part of their history. Someone will ask them, “Where were you on January 6, 2021?” I thank you for helping them to preserve, strengthen, and grow in order to see the beauty of our nation as they become good citizens of our beloved country.

Meg Bamford is the Head of Radcliffe Creek School in Chestertown

There is math homework that needs to be done, teeth that need to be brushed, a dog that needs to be walked, shoes that need to be tied, but somehow after what feels like intense cueing, nagging and perhaps even bribing, your child still can’t seem to get started. For children, most likely this is not a case of procrastination, but rather that of task initiation.

This executive function domain is obviously an important one. In our garage we have an older gas lawn mower. It often takes several hard yanks of the cord to get the engine running, but once it gets going, we can get the yard mowed in a couple hours. I liken our mower to task initiation. Many times parents will complain to me about their child not completing tasks, and when we take the time to observe the child, it is not always a matter of completion, but a matter of the child starting a task. Or perhaps, starting it in an efficient and timely way.

What can also feel incredibly frustrating is when children with task initiation issues get interrupted or distracted, and then they have to return to the task because for some children, it is back to square one.

If your child needs help getting things started, I think it is important that anyone working with your child understands s/he needs explicit instruction in strategies on how to build this skill. Secondly, you need to put in environmental supports in place. An example for children who have a hard time getting homework done is to help your child create an organized learning space. This strategy has become particularly critical over the last year when children suddenly were expected to learn remotely. Students seemed initially lost and they struggled to gather all of the tools they needed for virtual school such as a writing utensil, a charger for their computer, a desk or table to sit at, putting needy pets out of the room, and removing pillows, blankets or toys next to them while they worked online. They were used to us helping them to create those organized learning spaces. We certainly learned as a community that our children require instruction on how they need to approach an assignment independently when we are not sitting next to them to help them get started. Our instruction needs to be direct and explicit. Visual supports can be incredibly important.

If your child struggles with following multi-step directions or processes, knowing the order they need to accomplish each step can be imperative for them. An example of this impediment is when you send a child with task initiation deficits upstairs to “clean their room.” Furthermore, nothing gets done even after your child has been in their bedroom for an extended period of time! The task is too large, but breaking the large task into smaller ones and placing each task in a check list allows for success. Eventually, students will memorize the “clean room checklist.” However, like all of the other executive function skills, the skill of task initiation takes brain development, explicit instruction and time. A checklist may be necessary for several months before a child memorizes it.

Meg Bamford is the Head of the Radcliffe Creek School in Chestertown.

At night, when I used to get wound up in middle school (because Judy M. said to me in front of everyone that Barry Manilow wanted his wardrobe back), my parents would remind me to go to bed. The mantra, “Go to sleep. Things will be better in the morning,” really has credence. It can be incredibly hard to be in middle school, but we know for sure, a solid night’s sleep can really help.

In a world where there simply doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day, it sometimes seems hard to remember that sleep is a necessity, not a luxury. This is especially true for children from infancy through late adolescence. In our work at Radcliffe Creek School, when we problem solve how to help a child learn best and have meaningful social relationships, I find it is often important to discuss a child’s sleep patterns.

Children who do not get enough sleep will present with issues in the areas of attention, behavior, decision making, perception, and academics. We see that children (people) who don’t get enough sleep can struggle with their weight or other health ailments like a weakened immune system.

In my experience, it is not uncommon to see children and teenagers who are sleep-deprived wrestle with anxiety and depression. One of the most alarming research findings is that there is a very strong link between high school adolescents who get 6 hours or less of sleep and their increased risk for self-harm by engaging in high-risk behaviors. Therefore, it is critical to have a bedtime routine and to make sleep a priority before children are in high school so that when life becomes more demanding, they have strong habits in place for continued mental and physical health.

If your child is struggling in any of these areas, consider analyzing their sleep patterns. It would be good data for your family and for your child’s doctor to know how many hours of sleep your child gets each night. Are they sleeping peacefully or are they waking up due to sleep apnea? Do they have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep? Does your child have night terrors? One suggestion is that if you have a fitness tracker like a Fitbit, let them wear it to bed. It will track and graph your child’s sleep. For children who learn differently, sleep deprivation can compound the other challenges they are working so hard to overcome.

“We’ve learned that sleep before learning helps prepare your brain for the initial formation of memories,” says Dr. Matthew Walker, a sleep scientist at the University of California, Berkeley. “And then, sleep after learning is essential to help save and cement that new information into the architecture of the brain, meaning that you’re less likely to forget it.”

We know everyone needs to sleep and everyone’s body is different. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine offers us these guidelines:

• Infants to a year: 12-16 hours per day including naps
• Toddlers to 2 years: 12-14 hours including naps
• 3 years to 5 years:10-13 hours
• 6 years to 12 years: 9-12 hours
• 13 years to 18 years: 8-10 hours

(By the way, for adults, we should try for between 7-9 hours per night.)

With the intensity of COVID-19 and all we need to do to remain healthy and be safe, sleep well, for everything will be better in the morning.

Meg Bamford is the Head of Radcliffe Creek School

There is math homework that needs to be done, teeth that need to be brushed, a dog that needs to be walked, shoes that need to be tied, but somehow after what feels like intense cueing, nagging and perhaps even bribing, your child still can’t seem to get started. For children, most likely this is not a case of procrastination, but rather that of task initiation.

This executive function domain is obviously an important one. In our garage we have an older gas lawn mower. It often takes several hard yanks of the cord to get the engine running, but once it gets going, we can get the yard mowed in a couple hours. I liken our mower to task initiation. Many times parents will complain to me about their child not completing tasks, and when we take the time to observe the child, it is not always a matter of completion, but a matter of the child starting a task. Or perhaps, starting it in an efficient and timely way.

What can also feel incredibly frustrating is when children with task initiation issues get interrupted or distracted, and then they have to return to the task because for some children, it is back to square one.

If your child needs help getting things started, I think it is important that anyone working with your child understands s/he needs explicit instruction in strategies on how to build this skill. Secondly, you need to put in environmental supports in place. An example for children who have a hard time getting homework done is to help your child create an organized learning space. This strategy has become particularly critical over the last year when children suddenly were expected to learn remotely. Students seemed initially lost and they struggled to gather all of the tools they needed for virtual school such as a writing utensil, a charger for their computer, a desk or table to sit at, putting needy pets out of the room, and removing pillows, blankets or toys next to them while they worked online. They were used to us helping them to create those organized learning spaces. We certainly learned as a community that our children require instruction on how they need to approach an assignment independently when we are not sitting next to them to help them get started. Our instruction needs to be direct and explicit. Visual supports can be incredibly important.

If your child struggles with following multi-step directions or processes, knowing the order they need to accomplish each step can be imperative for them. An example of this impediment is when you send a child with task initiation deficits upstairs to “clean their room.” Furthermore, nothing gets done even after your child has been in their bedroom for an extended period of time! The task is too large, but breaking the large task into smaller ones and placing each task in a checklist allows for success. Eventually, students will memorize the “clean room checklist.” However, like all of the other executive function skills, the skill of task initiation takes brain development, explicit instruction and time. A checklist may be necessary for several months before a child memorizes it.

Meg Bamford is the Head of Radcliffe Creek School in Chestertown

At night, when I used to get wound up in middle school (because Judy M. said to me in front of everyone that Barry Manilow wanted his wardrobe back), my parents would remind me to go to bed. The mantra, “Go to sleep. Things will be better in the morning,” really has credence. It can be incredibly hard to be in middle school, but we know for sure, a solid night’s sleep can really help.

In a world where there simply doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day, it sometimes seems hard to remember that sleep is a necessity, not a luxury. This is especially true for children from infancy through late adolescence. In our work at Radcliffe Creek School, when we problem solve how to help a child learn best and have meaningful social relationships, I find it is often important to discuss a child’s sleep patterns.

Children who do not get enough sleep will present with issues in the areas of attention, behavior, decision making, perception, and academics. We see that children (people) who don’t get enough sleep can struggle with their weight or other health ailments like a weakened immune system.

In my experience, it is not uncommon to see children and teenagers who are sleep-deprived wrestle with anxiety and depression. One of the most alarming research findings is that there is a very strong link between high school adolescents who get 6 hours or less of sleep and their increased risk for self-harm by engaging in high-risk behaviors. Therefore, it is critical to have a bedtime routine and to make sleep a priority before children are in high school so that when life becomes more demanding, they have strong habits in place for continued mental and physical health.

If your child is struggling in any of these areas, consider analyzing their sleep patterns. It would be good data for your family and for your child’s doctor to know how many hours of sleep your child gets each night. Are they sleeping peacefully or are they waking up due to sleep apnea? Do they have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep? Does your child have night terrors? One suggestion is that if you have a fitness tracker like a Fitbit, let them wear it to bed. It will track and graph your child’s sleep. For children who learn differently, sleep deprivation can compound the other challenges they are working so hard to overcome.

“We’ve learned that sleep before learning helps prepare your brain for the initial formation of memories,” says Dr. Matthew Walker, a sleep scientist at the University of California, Berkeley. “And then, sleep after learning is essential to help save and cement that new information into the architecture of the brain, meaning that you’re less likely to forget it.”

We know everyone needs to sleep and everyone’s body is different. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine offers us these guidelines:
Infants to a year: 12-16 hours per day including naps
Toddlers to 2 years: 12-14 hours including naps
3 years to 5 years:10-13 hours
6 years to 12 years: 9-12 hours
13 years to 18 years: 8-10 hours

(By the way, for adults, we should try for between 7-9 hours per night.)

With the intensity of COVID-19 and all we need to do to remain healthy and be safe,
sleep well, for everything will be better in the morning.

Meg Bamford is the Head of School at Radcliffe Creek School. For more information about Radcliffe please go here.

Life is so busy. I think that one of the hardest daily challenges as a parent is the ability to get your children out the door and to school every day. When my children were younger, it was even harder. Despite my very best efforts and organization with multiple children, sometimes going to different locations, it felt like I was herding cats.

We would get into the car, and I would run back and forth grabbing a forgotten lunch box, diapers, or a library book. Most often what was sacrificed was what I needed for myself; my coffee, lunch, computer charger, etc.

Here are a few ideas that helped us survive and then even embrace those chaotic mornings. We found that following a strong routine and allowing for everyone to have time to transition (kids’ behavior tends to be worse when they are rushed) made all the difference.

• Have your children set out their clothes the night before. For kids who have a hard time choosing clothes, choose outfits for the entire week on Sunday night. There are some great closet organizers that have 5 shelves. Label the days (this also helps them learn to sequence the days of the week). Choose outfits, underwear, and socks and place them on the shelves. When your children are in elementary school, this will help to remember particular items like wearing sneakers and gym clothes on PE days. For a while, we used cubby shelves that were large enough for us to place in musical instruments or sports uniforms on the days they were needed.
  
• Create a landing spot for your children when they come home so that after backpacks, shoes, and diaper bags are hung up, items can be replaced and cleaned out, then everything is in the launch site for the next morning.

• Help your child wake up happy. Give them a warning (or even an alarm clock when they are older), play their favorite music, turn on the lights, and allow them time to transition from sleeping to waking. I used to think my kids needed to sleep as long as possible before I would hurry them up and out the door. I found allowing for that 15-20 minutes of wake-up time made a huge difference in the morning with fewer tears and tantrums.

• Breakfast is definitely the most important meal of the day. For those children who take medication, they may not feel hungry for snacks and lunch until later, so this is the time to try and get healthy food in their bellies. If at all possible, try to couple your child’s breakfast with some protein as it prevents a blood sugar crash that can happen later. We did many years of smoothies because our kids could have some cereal at home and then sip the smoothies as we drove to their childcare centers and schools. Just remember to rinse those cups out!

• Develop checklists for your children. You can even create a picture checklist for young children who don’t read yet. Instead of being the human tape recorder, refer to the checklist to remind them to get dressed, put on their shoes, eat their breakfast, brush their teeth, and comb their hair. After they master a simple checklist and they are able to manage their time, add in possible chores like feeding the family pet, making their bed, putting breakfast dishes in the sink, turning out the lights, etc. Celebrate your kids when they follow it without prompting. This is a wonderful life skill for them to have!

• If you have a long drive with your kids, use the time to talk with them. Kids’ brains are fresh for learning and listening in the morning (and they are trapped in the car with you). Go through their schedule of the day. Talk about what they are excited to learn or do that day and problem-solve with them the challenges that they may be worried about. Try your best to set a positive intention for their day. For example, they will be a good listener, they will spread sunshine, or they will be a friend to someone.

• Understand that although mornings may be chock full of hurdles and challenges, these days do not last forever. Quality time in the morning doesn’t have to be elaborate or perfect, but remember that this is time to be with your kids and to set them on the path for a good day. When you say bye-bye, look them in the eyes and let them know you love them.

Wishing you sunshine on the gloomiest of mornings!

Meg Bamford is Head of the Radcliffe Creek School in Chestertown. 

It is human nature to desire to be connected and to belong to a community. Learning how to navigate friendships and groups is such a critical life skill. Some children are naturally gregarious and easily make friends, adapting to the group on the playground. I love watching this happen with young children. You can take your child to a new playground, and within the hour they have a new “bestest friend.” Wouldn’t it be great to harness that childhood confidence and joy during each new adventure as adults? What a gift for some children to feel so quickly connected to another person or group.

Unfortunately, some children do not connect easily with others. Perhaps it doesn’t bother them in preschool, but as children age, they notice how they compare to others. As a parent, this can be painful to watch unfold. Then the question becomes, how can we help our children to begin to foster relationships? We can absolutely create and reinforce environments where everyone needs to be included. At least this gives kids a chance and it helps take away the sense of embarrassment of sitting alone. However, the older children are, the more obvious and inauthentic those manufactured environments can be. As special education director in New Hampshire, I received many requests from high school parents for the school create a way for their child to make friends. It was a challenging demand to place on high school personnel when it wasn’t coming from the students themselves. It became clear to me as parents and educators that we needed to do more work with children when they are younger on the social pragmatic level.

First, I think it is important to emphasize that as we age, it can take longer to become a true friend or to become part of a group. Our kids often have expectations that things should happen instantly whether it is achieving a goal of becoming a true friend. Learning to be a friend, like everything else, takes practice.

Secondly, remind your child to remember that there is a reason why we have two ears, two eyes, and only one mouth. It is essential that your child understand that they need to become a “detective” and really observe a potential friend or group. Good friends ask other people about themselves. “What did you do over the weekend?” “Do you like to play Roblox?” Before jumping all in, encourage him to take the time to notice what everyone else is saying, their body language, and what seems important to the group. He should actively listen two times as much as he talks. Giving good examples of what to say and what not to say is great.

As a child observes what the potential friend or group is interested in, he should think about if he actually wants the friendship or to hang out with a specific group. If the group of boys is obsessed with football, and your child doesn’t know or want to know anything about the topic, maybe they should see if there are other children with interests that are more like theirs? It is easier for us to befriend people with similar beliefs and interests, and some kids need to be reminded of that fact.

Friendships are often sparked when there are not only shared interests but a shared purpose. I often suggest to kids who feel on the fringe of friendships, that they participate in an activity. During recess, our kids at RCS love to play soccer, Four Square, or GaGa Ball because it gives purpose to the group. When I was little, it was jump ropes, hopscotch, and hula hoops. For children who would prefer not to be physically active, interests like Pokemon cards or making friendship bracelets help provide a mechanism for common ground.

Finally, if you are concerned about your child, reach out to their teachers. They are an incredible resource on who might be a good match for your student. Sometimes with a little inside knowledge, teachers can help direct a child towards who might be a good match for them. Finally, this can hopefully lead to setting up activities that both children feel confident or excited to do together outside of school in order to nurture positive friendships.

Meg Bamford is Head of the Radcliffe Creek School in Chestertown.