Author’s note: This poem spurred several conversations among my classmates about the ethics of writing about one’s family. To me, it’s about nostalgia and childhood innocence, how innocence is another word for ‘ignorance’, and how childhood nostalgia doesn’t discriminate between negative and positive experiences. I attempt to communicate this disconnect between reality and memory with my lack of capitalization and my choppy line breaks and enjambments. As for the ethics, I landed on this: where else can I say what happened, if not a poem?
You Learn Transaction,
Before Anything Else
this is the game
this is how it works
dad dares you you
do the dare dad
pays you money
the first dare is small
eat the hot peppers
in the bottle in the diner
booth you get five bucks
you swallow six peppers
ask him if that means you
get 30 he laughs which means
not this time but you keep
that in mind the next dares
go quick you squeeze small body
into even smaller spaces you
get ten bucks you lick
the frozen bus stop
pole that’s fifteen would’ve
been twenty but your tongue
didn’t stick the game has
one rule this is the rule
you follow above all
don’t tell mom don’t
tell mom any of this
and you don’t his money’s
good the last dare the very
last but you don’t know
that yet is out in the nowhere
by the railroad tracks dad
says lay down you say how
long he says til i say get
up you say how much
he says fifty you lay
down close your eyes
spread hands on warm
wood and wait for his
words or the rumble
you lay still and dead
or close enough you think
you hear a whistle three
stops off you wait for him he
waits til the gates go ting
ting ting and pulls you off
you say nothing you hold
out your hand he gives you
the money you walk home
still saying nothing
when mom asks if you had fun
you still follow the one rule
and when he leaves three
weeks later for good this time
you can only
think to yourself
my god i should’ve
asked for more
⧫
Marlowe Jones is a student in the Northeast Ohio Master of Fine Arts Program (NEOMFA) through Cleveland State University. His poems have been published in Green Blotter, Sink Hollow, and The Courtship of Winds under a previous name. His interests outside poetry include horror movies, folklore, and birdwatching.
The Delmarva Review, published in St. Michaels, MD, gives writers a desirable home in a printed edition (with an electronic version) for their most compelling new prose and poetry. Available to all writers for their best work, the review has been produced at a time when many commercial publications (and literary magazines) are closing their doors or reducing literary content. For each annual edition, the editors have read thousands of submissions to select the best new poetry, fiction, and nonfiction. Almost half of the writers are from the Delmarva and Chesapeake region. As a 501(c)(3) nonprofit, support comes from tax-deductible contributions and a grant from Talbot Arts with funds from the Maryland State Arts Council. Website: www.DelmarvaReview.org