Recently, I took my Asian grandsons—who had just arrived on their first visit to the U.S. to a local resale store to find some clothing treasures. The two boys, aged 20 and 13, were well-behaved and mature, even for their ages, coming from a culture where respect for elders and decorum in public is required. The older one—a university student studying English and other languages—was shy and unsure of his speaking abilities. I mentioned to the store clerk/volunteer that their English was limited, however I would be returning to get them in about 20 minutes (in case there was any confusion about price or whatever). I also didn’t want her to think they were being rude if they did not respond to her.
Returning 25 minutes later, I entered the store and received a hostile glare from the same person I had spoken to before dropping them off.
A minute later, while the boys were trying on clothes in the dressing room but in hearing distance, she glared again and curtly said, “You should not have done that!!” with a very hostile, contemptuous tone.
I responded, “Done what? “
She replied, “left them here.”
Me: “Did they do or say something?”
Her:” No, but you should not have left them.”
I again said, “Why?”
She responded with an even more angry tone and glare, as a customer approached to pay for something,
“I have a customer, I’m not going to discuss it!!”
I was shocked and perplexed. Her TONE was so full of disgust and anger I could not imagine why she was reacting this way.
I waited five minutes for the customer to pay and leave and then I asked her, “Why are you angrily telling me they should not have been left here?”
Her response, “We’re not babysitters!”
Me: No one asked for you to babysit, the one is 20 years old!
Her hostile broken record response: “Were not babysitters!!
Me exasperated and perplexed: “He’s 20 years old.”
Other clerk: “Why did you drop them off? Why did you not stay with them?!!”
Me: “He’s an adult. I was dropping off their siblings to study. Why should they not be allowed in the store because their English is limited??”
(I should not even need to justify myself but did anyway)
The other clerk: “You should have made other arrangements.”
(seriously?)
Because of the absurd illogical attitude, combined with their hostile and condescending tone, I turned away and said, “sounds like sheer racism to me.”
She and the other volunteer laughed and one said, “oh, get over it!”
I walked away into the other room. The boys paid for their items and left the store. (Later I learned that the older boy understood everything that was said.)
I headed for the door, then stopped to try and explain what may have been a simple misunderstanding…
“The only reason I said anything to you when I was dropping them off was that they might not understand you if you said something to them, they were not needing babysitting, they are not young children.
Both women’s responses, now sounding more hostile and robotic: We are not babysitters!!
My response: “Your attitude is horrible,” as I went out the door, feeling mentally assaulted and confused.
It was not only what they said but the hostile, condescending tone and looks that really felt like a gut punch.
This was their first day in a store in America, the first impression of Americans and American store service. Needless to say, the older boy felt it was racist and terrible.
Was this what people of color call shopkeeper racial profiling?
Did she feel because he was foreign and speaking in a different language with his brother that he had no right to be there?
I thought of all the times that Americans like them would go into stores in foreign countries and expect full service while speaking no language besides English.
These women, who feign concern and virtue signal by doing volunteer work–which may be more about earning social standing points with their elite group rather than any deep concern for others–should ask themselves:
How would you feel if you went to a foreign country and into a store and were treated as though you should not be there because you did not fully speak their language?
Is barking at and talking down to others in a demeaning tone really showing care for others?
Is showing what may appear as covert racism how you want to represent your organization?
Could you not have gracefully admitted you misunderstood the situation and been kinder?
Should you really be working with the public when you so obviously look down on we plebians and foreigners who come into the shop?
You both should be ashamed of yourselves.
Elizabeth Ochoa
Chestertown
Deirdre LaMotte says
I am so sorry this happened to you and your grandsons.
It makes me sick thinking how cruel this was.
Steve Prentice says
Wow. I’m very sorry you and your grandsons had this experience on our charming small town. Frankly, it’s hard to imagine there would be any other explanation for the clerks’ attitude, especially since they could offer no reason for their anger with you other than, “we’re not babysitters”.
You were kind not to mention the name of the store. I Nearly did.
Tracy Phillips says
😉👍🏽
Karensomerville says
Ah, the infamous “charm” of downtown Chestertown. I wish I could say I am surprised by this sad occurrence. Heartache.
Cindy Moffett Moore says
She showed grace by not mentioning the name of the store – sad to say as soon as I started reading this I immediately knew where she had taken them. I don’t know that this was a racist act as much as the people are just plain mean and nasty. I have never stepped foot back in there again!
Inez Santori says
I would like the name of the store to be known, at least to the editor, so that they could be invited to comment and address how they would prevent a recurrence. This was hardly a “welcome to Chestertown”!
Katie says
Sad I know the store you’re talking about. This was years ago but I left my stroller outside and had my baby on my hip fallowing directions. I wanted to try something on they told me I could not take my my baby in the dressing room, again this was 9 years ago. I have yet to donate or set foot in that store again.
Billed Carroll says
Wow! So sorry you and your grandsons experienced this. Obviously, some clerks need some education about customer service and common decency.
Jenn Baker says
What an absolutely unacceptable situation. I’m sorry that your local shopping trip ended with such disappointment. I’m profoundly disappointed. As a small business owner, in a small town, when someone has a bad experience in a business, it can impact us all.
We would love to serve your family in our stores,
Jenn Baker
Chester River Wine & Cheese
Welcome Home
Claudia Wayne says
I would love to know the name of the store. I don’t want to accidentally patronize it.
Jennifer says
Me too
Hope Braveheart says
I think I know the store, but still need verification.
James Dissette says
The Letter to the Editor stands as written without naming the store.
Cheryl Hoopes says
Oh my! I am so, so sorry for you and your grandsons. You’re certainly correct; the behavior of the women was rude, wrong, and completely inappropriate.
You were right to call out the racism and unkindness. It sounds like your comments fell on deaf ears of the women, but good for you for saying something. Your persistent defense of your young men will not be quickly forgotten by them. What a gift to them in the face of such crass injustice! Good for you for turning an ugly thing into something truly lovely.
Karen L Smith says
Good for you for speaking up in face of such horrible behaviour and fie on the clerks; they have no business dealing with the public.
Wendy Wander says
I’m so sorry this happened to you and your grandsons, but thank you for taking the time to write about it. This is a small town and I am sure that sooner or later this story will get back to them. From previous comments, it seems some readers already have an idea of the store where this occurred. If more people push back when they experience racism, maybe the offenders will think twice before trying something like this again. Maybe they may even feel some shame and remorse?
Jes says
I’m so sorry about how you were treated. These people not only give America a bad name but Maryland too. I hope you are able to find some more positive experiences for them.
SUSAN says
Unfortunately a lot of volunteers are rude and make people feel looked down on.ive seen churches and other organizations that give food or free clothing away on certain days of the week the aren’t nice to people that come there at all. I’ve also heard comments made by “volunteers” that aren’t very Christian like at all.they volunter for status not because the have a kind heart.maybe they don’t realize the God doesn’t judge you by appearances but instead your judged by what’s in your heart and God DOES know what’s in your heart.you can fool your neighbors,teachers and friends into thinking you’re something that your not but you can’t fool God.
Jane Hukill says
I also concur with the many letters that have been written regarding this extreme behavior by “volunteers” in a store in Chestertown. This reflects upon all of us and I hope that those responsible for their “employment” will see fit to educating them as soon as possible. But certainly not let them serve the public until they develop some compassion, if ever.
Debbie Hodges says
I am so sorry this happened to you and your grandsons . For starters it’s rare to get good customer service anywhere . These ladies should have welcomed your grandchildren and went out of their way to make them feel comfortable and welcome . I hope they know not everyone acts like this and there are a lot of good people here .
Airlee Johnson says
Very well written Elizabeth. Many people of color feel these same type attitudes from store personnel in our area. And yes, those who display superior attitudes should be ashamed of themselves. Remember if you run a business for profit it’s not the color of ones skin that’s important. It’s more important to establish long term and repeat customers. Also remember none of us are able to determine ones ability to purchase merchandise depending a person’s skin color. My classic story describes my friends who were NY attorneys were not welcomed in a local store. They felt as though the unwelcoming attitude was because of the color of their skin. They were looking forward to a fun shopping experience in downtown Chestertown with welcoming greetings, but instead they received sales personnel with racist attitudes.
As Americans shop in foreign countries we are usually received with open arms and most of the time we never know the local languages, yet we’ve come to expect courtesy from sales people. Why is Chestertown different?
Paula Reeder says
Regretably, this type of shameful discrimination in Chestertown isn’t limited to the shop that Ms. Ochoa visited with her grandsons.
Case in point – I was in the Acme tonight and was approached by an elderly woman of color who asked if I could exchange a $5 bill for $5 in quarters. She went on to explain that the only cashier on duty had refused to accept payment in quarters “because she didn’t want to have to count so much change when she closed out for the evening.” I couldn’t believe my ears!
Happily, I was able to make the exchange. After a brief pleasant conversation, we parted company – she to return to the cashier to complete her purchase and me to complete my shopping; incredulous that someone had subjected this sweet lady to such an absurd and clearly racist dismissal.
Last I knew quarters – just like bills – are all coin of the realm subject to uniform acceptance in purchase transactions. I’m still gritting my teeth over the fact that someone had the gall to be so blatantly racist and rude at a checkout counter. Time for some anti-discrimnation training at Acme!