If you Need a Laugh… by Angela Rieck

This summer, one of the local food establishments posted the following outdoor sign:

Local Crabs
Now Hiring

If would have been even funnier if they had reversed the order, but it brought me and my NYC daughter a good laugh.

I believe that it this is a good time for all of us to laugh…so here are a few funny signs that I curated from the Internet.

• Roadside Sign at Park: Warning Coyote Activity. Keep them at a distance. Never feed coyotes. Call Animal Control if you see dangerous coyote activity such as: Coyote carrying a box marked “Acme.” Coyote detonating explosives/TNT. Coyote in possession of a magnet. Coyote holding signs marked “Detour” or “Free Bird Seed.” Coyote in possession of a catapult. Coyote dropping anvil from a hot air balloon.
• Store Sign (During COVID): If you come into this shop without a mask on, we will have to take your temperature. We only have rectal thermometers. Choose wisely.
• Sign in front of a Liquor Store: Welcome back teachers!
• Sign at a Casino: Remember how your valet looks. Because we don’t have one.
• Garment Label (from a product made in China): Remove child before washing
• Store Sign: Water for your Dog or Short People with Low Standards (we don’t judge)
• Sign at Penguin House at an Aquarium:
  • Naughty Penguin of the Month: Timmy, stole fish, pushed another penguin over.
  • Good Penguin of the Month: Betty: Good swimmer. Waited patiently for fish.
• Road Sign: Camp in the mountains not in the left lane
• Sign at a Coffee House: Do not leave your drink unattended. The cat is an a**hole.
• Sign at a Starbucks: I saw a guy at Starbucks today. No phone. No tablet. No laptop. He just sat there. Like a psychopath.
• Roadside Sign: Caution: Sign has sharp edges. Do not touch edges of this sign. Also, the bridge is out.
• Outdoor Sign: Courage is knowing that it might hurt and doing it anyway. Stupidity is the same. And that’s why life is hard.
• Sign at Veterinary Hospital: In ancient times cats were worshipped as Gods. They have not forgotten.
• Sign at Veterinary Hospital: Dinosaurs never took vaccines and look where they ended up.
• Store Sign: PLEASE do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. The rabbits come out at night and smoke them, and we are trying to get the rabbits to quit.
• Warning Sign by Owner (of chihuahuas): WARNING: Death from the ankles down
• Sign in Park: Warning: Drugs sold in this park are of inferior quality
• Roadside Sign: Without freedom of speech, we wouldn’t know who the idiots are
• Handmade Sign (with a pile of sticks below): Dog Library…take a stick, leave a stick
• Road Sign: It’s a lane, not a birthright. Let them merge.
• Store Sign: Teenagers: Tired of being harassed by your stupid parents. ACT NOW. Go out. Get a job. Pay your bills. While you still know everything.
• Sign at Local Baseball Park: REMEMBER These are kids. Coaches are volunteers. Umpires are human. This is not Yankee stadium.
• Store Sign (on window): Push to open. If that doesn’t work, try pull. If those don’t work, try the actual entrance.
• Store Sign: Get a free ride in a police car just by shoplifting from this store
• National Park Sign: Please do not feed the animals. They will become dependent and demand cell phones.

Signs with Funny Errors:

• Political Road Sign: America is the best country in the Nation
• Sign at Parking Garage: Please pay your parking ticket before existing
• Restroom out of odor
• Sign at Christmas Bazaar and Craft Show: Fight Children with Diabetes Fundraiser

And that’s it, I hope that one of them made you laugh.

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.