The Adventures of Squish by Angela Rieck

I am an animal lover. But nothing is absolute, and unfortunately reptiles, amphibians, and even fish do not fit into my “love of animals” category. In fact, these species creep me out.  Not a proud moment.

Now onto Squish’s tale.

In the category of “no good deed goes unpunished,” a friend helped me transport plants from the local nursery. It was messy, so I cleaned out her car before she returned home. That was when I spied an iguana menacingly creeping along her back seat. He was a juvenile, his body and tail were each 10” long, and he was black, probably from camouflaging in a potted plant. I squealed and he dove under the driver’s seat. I opened all the car doors and raced into my house.

“What is it?” my friend asked.

“An iguana is in your car,” I replied.  “It’s black, but I know it is an iguana.”

“Eeeew,” she screamed (sharing my revulsion); and called her husband.

In the meantime, I placed sliced apples on the ground next to the open car doors to lure him out.

We named the car iguana Squish, in hopes that would be his eventual fate (callous, I know).

Another digression. Iguanas are uniformly despised in South Florida. They are not a native species, and their population has gone unchecked. They shouldn’t be so reviled because they are harmless. But their excrement plunks into pools from the swaying palms above, their malodorous urine stains decks and walkways, and their insatiable appetite destroys any landscape.

They are also creepy.

My friend’s husband bicycled over immediately, thoroughly searched the car, proclaimed that the iguana must have escaped and drove the car home. (Neither of us was getting into that car!)

But the fear of a stowaway iguana required continued diligence. In case healthy foods were ineffective, they tried to lure him out with bread and cookies (who doesn’t like them?).

Leaving no stone unturned, my friend had the car detailed the next day. The detailer couldn’t find Squish and proclaimed, “No iguana.”

But Squish remained a well-hidden passenger when she picked up friends at the airport.

The friends took the car with its secret passenger to the grocery store.

After no further sightings of Squish, we hopefully concluded that he had vacated the car. But the next day, she spotted him catching some rays on the back seat.

My friends redoubled their efforts attempting to lure him out with a cornucopia of leaves, red flowers, and fruit outside an opened back door.

What to do? Well, it turns out that iguanas are so invasive, that it is not that uncommon to have an iguana taking up temporary residence in one’s car. I knew other friends who successfully encouraged theirs to relocate by opening a door and banging on all the seats, carpets, etc.

My friend tried that; Squish never appeared.

Soon Squish became the legendary “Where’s Waldo?.”  He traveled all around the 7-mile island. He enjoyed the sunshine at the marina, watched his cousins creeping around rocks and palms. He traveled to restaurants, grocery stores, nurseries, and hardware store parking lots.

Every afternoon my friend tried to lure Squish out with offerings of leaves, flowers, and fruit outside an opened back car door.

We haven’t seen Squish for a couple of days. Maybe he took the hint.

Last night, I got a call from my friend.

“Could you give us a ride to the airport in our car? And by the way…could you take the car for the next two weeks?”

Eeeewww.

Key West Weather Update: Uncommonly cold and windy. Watch out for falling iguanas. (I am not making this up, this was the actual weather forecast.) Iguanas are cold-blooded and frequently take up residence in palm trees. When the weather gets too cold, they become immobile and are unable to remain in their adopted homes. Ironically, after I dropped her off at the airport, I spotted a large iguana in a tree above my driveway. Her car is now a potential target for a gigantic iguana bomb.

I hope she doesn’t read this column.

Angela Rieck, a Caroline County native, received her PhD in Mathematical Psychology from the University of Maryland and worked as a scientist at Bell Labs, and other high-tech companies in New Jersey before retiring as a corporate executive. Angela and her dogs divide their time between St Michaels and Key West Florida. Her daughter lives and works in New York City.