Op-Ed: Moving from Frustration to Gratitude by Beth Anne Langrell

This is an uncertain time for all of us. We are used to beginnings and ends, but with COVID-19, we are not sure when the end is in sight. We wonder when the “stay at home” will be lifted, if our children will be able to return to school, when we can return to our favorite restaurant for a night out, and when we will be able to see our family and friends again…in person. This has been a time where we have all had to refocus, sit with anxiousness, learn how to provide more latitude for family members who are getting on our nerves, and adjust to working from home, still reporting to work as an “essential” employee, or not working at all.

Last week I started a new Mental Health Morning radio spot with Mark Potter at WINX FM 94.3. During our time together this week I focused on trying to put into words what we are all feeling – Loss. Many are missing the face to face connections we are so used to at work and for those who are still working, it may be the loss of time with our children while they are home from school. For some, it’s the loss of community connection and the ability to gather for a church service at a synagogue or other place of spiritual fulfillment. For our children, it’s the loss of seeing their friends in school, sports, clubs, activities…possibly even prom and graduation. And for some, it’s the loss of family members and friends who have died during this time and with that comes the loss of being able to gather in-person to say goodbye to those we love.

We go through our days sometimes feeling great and other times realizing the toll this taking on us –sometimes after we realize we are not at our best. Last week I found myself feeling anxious and confused as I tried to get my 3rd and 4th grade boys set up for online learning. Homework is usually one of my favorite times with my children, but when it came to the first day of on-line learning, I realized I was far from being my best. My anxiety went sky-high as I tried learning something new while also trying to work from home that day. The morning turned me into a parent who lost her patience with her children at a time when they needed me to at my best.

I put myself in time out and spent some time figuring out where things went wrong. What I realized was that amid this storm, things are different – and I responded differently. My attempts to be sure my kids had everything they needed made me an anxious wreck, and I thought, “I wonder if other people are feeling the same thing – about this or other things happening right now?” I knew the answer was yes – we are all feeling it. All these feelings, and so many more that we are all experiencing, are real. I finally came to the conclusion that there is no sugar coating it – this whole thing stinks, and it okay to acknowledge that and give words to it. Later that It evening I found myself wondering, “What now?” And it was in that moment when I found myself needing to take the advice I’d given to the community when I was on the radio with Mark the week before…in times of struggle, we must find gratitude.

In times of storm, there is a calm that inevitably comes. In bad times, we see good. In sadness, we find moments to smile. During this time of COVID-19, we have seen our community come together to support one another beyond the daily, “Hi, how are you?” We have found a new appreciation for how to say, “Thank You.” People are checking in on loved ones – near and far – more frequently. Platforms like Zoom are giving friends and families the space to have “live chat gatherings.” Friends who had lost touch are beginning to reconnect in the downtime. In a world where so many moved faster than they could run, we are hitting pause. We are pausing and enjoying nights’ home that would normally have been filled with sports or community activities, mornings where we might have time for one more cup of coffee before rushing out the door or turning on the computer. People are trying new recipes, completing long over-do “Honey-Do” lists, and picking up old projects that they never completed because there wasn’t enough time.

I have discovered a deeper gratitude for all that is around me. In times where I can feel fear or frustration creeping in, I turn to gratitude. I have discovered that even a few seconds of being grateful helps me realign my own “center” so that I can lead from a place of spreading gratitude and practicing happiness. When I read something negative on social media, I post something positive, hoping that it may encourage others to do the same. I’ve made it my goal to reach out to five people a day, just to check in and tell them I am thinking of them – it’s amazing how a silly emoji can brighten someone’s day.

This is a difficult time. There is no getting around that reality. None of us know how to do this, including me. But together we will get through this – trying new strategies and giving ourselves permission not to have to do it “all right” the first time. Together, we will get to the other side, and we will be a stronger community.

Beth Anne Langrell is the CEO of For All Seasons