Editor’s note: As part of the Justice Department’s continued probe into Hillary Clinton’s private email while serving as U.S. Secretary of State, new correspondence as surfaced that casts light on the current state of American politics.
My Dear Donald,
Finally, we’ve been able to install the private server and sorry to be so late in getting back to you on a “secure” line. You were totally on point to suggest that Bill and I install it in Chappaqua rather than DC.
It was so good to see you at the wedding so many moons ago. Melania is so radiant and dressed so beautifully. You could tell that Bill was entranced.
I can’t express enough my gratitude for our private chat on Saturday. Your proposal caught both of us totally off guard – perhaps that is your wonderful art of the deal strategy at work -). We are so truly blessed to have such a dear friend like yourself to so selflessly take this on at a time when I’m sure you are so busy with other matters.
Over the last few weeks, Bill and I have had some long conversations about your plan for 2016. To be frank, we had a few heated moments in discussing it, but I promise you that I didn’t throw anything at him this time -). In short, we are humbled by your offer to run for the Republican nomination in 2016 and profoundly moved by this gesture of friendship.
Once both Bill and I got our heads around what you were offering, we both, almost at the same time, realized how utterly brilliant your thinking is. We also had some suggestions/comments that might help chart our course for the next few years. Ideally, we can eventually create a campaign plan that we can share privately on this server.
In the meantime, here are our thoughts in no particular order:
We agree totally that the first phase of your campaign is focused on minorities and so impressed that you’ll embrace Twitter to push out these messages. Our only suggestion is to start with immigration and build in your idea about building a wall. Our recent review of the Latino vote shows exceptional pushback on this one particular issue, and we can only assume this is all that is needed to whip out any Republican-leaning Hispanic voters and, of course, push most to vote for me in the general election.
The sooner you can get out the anti-women material, I’d also be grateful. Feel free to attack me and other women leaders in any way you see fit, but please don’t leave the gloves on. It takes an extraordinary effort to alienate 51% of the population, so consider, if you will, bringing up traditionally verboten themes like menstrual cycles, appearance, and inferences to a lack of intelligence.
Likewise, we would like you to consider pivoting on gay and trans issues just to shake it up. By warming up to gays but stopping short of approving gay marriage, we think the net result will be a GOP policy conflict. We learned from the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell days that rhetoric about LGTB folks significantly improves angry white men (AWM) turnout.
Finally, both Bill and I would encourage you to look at North Korea’s new leader Kim Jong-un as an attractive role model for your campaign. Highly unpredictable and with a look of a crazed nuclear bomb thrower, Kim sets the gold standard for the Dr. Strangelove vote in Republican primaries.
With your inspirational cleverness at work, Bill and I feel that the vast majority of traditional GOP voters will stay at home while women and minorities will break records in voter turn out for me and for critical Senate and House races that will ensure Democrat majorities in both houses. Can you imagine!
BTW, we also had a frank conversation about post-election opportunities and our public reconciliation plan with you and your family. While we think highly of both Don and Eric, we feel the most comfortable in slotting Ivanka into the Secretary of Commerce role. We also are quite comfortable in finding a suitable position for Melania and are currently testing her name with a select few for the UN ambassador role, so she doesn’t need to leave NYC for extended periods of time.
As we discussed earlier, this will be the only formal communication we will have with you for some time. Good luck and God bless you for all that you are doing for your country.
“Crooked Hil” LOL….
As with other examples of satire from the Spy, we must remind our readers that this is pure fiction.