Food Friday: Thanksgiving Smackdown; Crescent Rolls or Parker House?

Which do you prefer, crescent rolls or Parker House rolls? Or are you a cornbread kind of family? It is fascinating how holiday rituals vary from family to family. Do you fancy white meat or dark? Do you cook stuffing inside the turkey, or are you like me and err on caution’s side, and also prepare a sanitary, dry-as-sawdust pan of stuffing that goes in the oven for an hour after the cooked bird has emerged? Do you wait, ghoulishly, for the signs of salmonella to appear after everyone has gorged themselves on bowls of in-the-bird stuffing? I always picture elderly relatives gasping for breath and falling to the floor in agonizing, writhing, intestinal pain. I might have to research the symptoms a little more assiduously.

So far, no one has succumbed to food poisoning, or salmonella, at one of our Thanksgivings. There have been the occasional awkward and/or tipsy comments, but if the candlelight is dim enough you can roll you eyes, have another piece of pie and ignore the gaff until the guests have gone home. And then you can relive the moments that become family legend while washing up the good china. We mostly manage to side-step political commentary, and keep up a steady patter of latest genius baby stories, or harken back to the good old days when Dad was six, and he smacked Uncle Bob on the head with a toy gun, and discovered that it takes a lot of Hollywood magic to knock someone out cold…

Do you cook a turkey for Thanksgiving? Or did you spring from the loins of an iconoclast family that cooks ham, or goose, or Spaghetti Carbonara? Do you sneer at green beans and embrace roasted Brussels sprouts? Russets or sweet potatoes for you? Do you serve Champagne or a slighter cooler than room temperature Beaujolais Nouveau? Do you baste or do you brine? Do you have Thanksgiving dinner at noon? Have you ever had to cater to a vegetarian at this carnivore delight of a meal? Sit-down or buffet? Football or X-Files marathon? Do you plan weeks ahead, or do you buy the ingredients on Wednesday and hope for the best? And do you cook all day, and finally sit down at six, exhausted?

According to Wednesday’s New York Times we should have gotten cracking weeks ago. We should have assessed our platter collection, counted heads, calculated pounds of turkey according to the number of guests, and planned the menu and started collecting meat drippings from which to make the gravy. But they also endorse the notion that you should not be a martyr to the Thanksgiving process; “cut corners” says the venerable New York Times. So if you pick up some Pepperidge Farm dinner rolls or pop open a couple of cans of Pillsbury crescent rolls, no one will be the wiser.

Here is a handy dandy checklist for your Thanksgiving countdown: https://www.nytimes.com/2014/11/12/dining/a-thanksgiving-checklist.html?_r=0

Crescent Rolls

https://www.marthastewart.com/333830/buttery-crescent-rolls#Thanksgiving%20Bread%20and%20Roll%20Recipes|/274695/thanksgiving-bread-and-roll-recipes/@center/276949/everything-thanksgiving|333830

Parker House Rolls

https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/bobby-flay/parker-house-rolls-recipe2.html

https://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/parker-house-rolls

Pull-Apart Butter Rolls

https://www.kingarthurflour.com/blog/2009/11/12/the-one-thing-i-have-to-bake-every-thanksgiving-pull-apart-butter-buns/

Cornbread

https://www.nytimes.com/video/dining/100000003221154/brown-butter-skillet-corn-bread.html

Sides

https://gardenandgun.com/article/guide-sides

“My mom makes something called green pie, which I thought was a delicacy that many people only had at Thanksgiving, but it turns out it was just Jell-O with whipped cream on it. And it’s delicious.”
Bobby Moynihan

Note: Since we are traveling, we will be bringing a tray of pre-fab Pepperidge Farm Parker House rolls with us. But on a very nice, new platter, which will be a hostess gift. And a flock of Beaujolais Nouveau. ‘Tis the season!