Tweeting Tom by Jamie Kirkpatrick

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Thomas Jefferson
@tjeff76 . 241yrs

Necessary for us to dissolve political bands connecting us to @madgeorge3. Need to assume separate and equal station. By laws of nature, we are impelled to separate. As of today, all 13 colonies are independent! Huzzah!

George William Frederick
@madgeorge3 . 241yrs

We are not pleased. Off with your little red head and tiny hands @tjeff76. Low IQ! You’ll be sorry! Sad!

Thomas Jefferson
@tjeff76 . 241yrs

It is self-evident: all men are created equal and are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness: That’s our moral standard; what’s yours @madgeorge3?

George William Frederick
@madgeorge3 . 241yrs

Just more fake news from your liberal broadsheet bullies!! How’s pretty Sally? Bet she treats @tjeff76 really well! #Ipunchbackhard.

Thomas Jefferson
@tjeff76 . 241yrs

@jadams and @bfranklin agree with me. You had us at hello but now it’s goodbye. Don’t step on us @madgeorge3!

George William Frederick
@madgeroge3 . 241yrs

Stick to farming. Your hands much too tiny for such big ideas. @tjeff76 is dumb as a rock. I’m smart! Sending @tgage, @redcoatburgoyne, @neversurrendercornwallis to teach you rabble a lesson. Who’s your daddy! Watch out!

Thomas Jefferson
@tjeff76 . 241yrs.

Governments are instituted among men and derive their powers from the consent of the governed. What don’t you understand @madgeorge3?

George William Frederick
@madgeorge3 . 241yrs

Be a good boy @tjeff76 and have a cup of good English tea. You’ll feel better in the morning. Still time to come to your colonial senses. Wise up or else!

Thomas Jefferson
@tjeff76 . 241 yrs

If government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it. That’s you @madgeorge3. Too many abuses and usurpations! Talk about sad!

George William Fredrick
@madgeorge3 . 241 yrs

Disobedient brats! You’ll be sorry! Just won huge 7 Years War. Millions love me! Who’s on your side @tjeff76? France? Just punched them hard in the face! Not scared!

Thomas Jefferson
@tjeff76 . 241 yrs

Bill of particulars @madgeorge3: standing armies without our consent; obstructed justice; obstructed laws for the naturalization of foreigners; refusing to encourage migration hither; made justices solely dependent on your will…

@madgeorge3: …combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our Constitution; altered fundamentally the forms of our government; plundered our seas and ravaged our coasts; incited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, etc, etc. Totally unworthy Head of a civilized nation!

George William Frederick
@madgeorge 3. 241 yrs

Boo-hoo! I am king. You are not @tjeff76.

Thomas Jefferson
@tjeff76 .241 yrs

A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant is unfit to be the ruler of a free people. Reminding @madgeorge3 of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. You too deaf to listen? Enemies in war, friends in peace. Your choice.

George William Frederick
@madgeorge3 . 241 yrs

Millions over here love me! No one here has ever heard of @tjeff76. Bad show! Low ratings! Not watching!

Thomas Jefferson
@tjeff76 . 241 yrs

We have appealed to the Supreme Judge of the World for the rectitude of our intentions. These united colonies are and of right ought to be free and independent states! Dissolving the bonds of our union. That trumps you, @madgeorge3!

George William Frederick
@madgeorge3

Tobacco futures soaring bigly! Everyone over here loves me! Gigantic crowds everywhere! Long live the King! Making a HUGE mistake @tjeff76! LOSER!

 

Jamie Kirkpatrick is a writer and photographer with homes in Chestertown and Bethesda. His work has appeared in the Washington Post, the Baltimore Sun, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, the Philadelphia Inquirer, the Washington College Alumni Magazine, and American Cowboy magazine. “A Place to Stand,” a book of photographs and essays about Landon School, was published by the Chester River Press in 2015.  A collection of his essays titled “Musing Right Along” was released in May and is already in its second printing. Jamie’s website is www.musingjamie.com.

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Letters to Editor

  1. Briggs Cunningham says:

    Jamie,

    Brilliant, just brilliant…well done, sir!

  2. Richard Swanson says:

    Marvellous, history repeats it’s self

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